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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

On Reviews

What are reviews... we are haunted by these .. all our lives... its something to think about.

Blogging which I was procrastinating since a long time.. now is such an obsession.. that I want to put up a post everyday...

Anyway keeping up with my attention seeking behaviour (which means asking all my friends to read and review my blog), as usual I asked one of my very dear friends today what did she think of my blog.. How do I write.. How are my thoughts.. etc etc..

She very sweetly said rather advised.. that corporate organisations, who look for candidates and apparently many people (in my view big jerks) follow people online and use all the information available for some hidden agenda... In the case of the organisations, it’s to know more about the person online image. (I wonder why??) and some people the JERKS, to use this information for some advantage.. (which makes me wonder again)

This got me thinking... basically if someone is following you, through your blog, fb / orkut profile... they are reviewing you.. on your lifestyle, thoughts, feelings, social life etc etc.. they may not tell you much.. but everytime you change your relationship status, your status message someone is REVEIWING you!!!

Or to look at it in another perspective, WE are always putting ourself out there to be reviewed, all the about me sections... details on the movies / books / cuisines /political views blah blah..

SO WHY DO THESE REVIEWS MATTER SO MUCH..
Exams...
Job interviews...
Mocks at work..
Presentations..
Profile reviews...
Blog reviews....

I have seen many people and experienced myself ,to go crazy thinking what will be the person thinking about me. This is not what I should do... what will people say, think of me.. I can’t react like this, I am a Psychologist... O gosh!! And this can just go on....

Why the hell do I care.. or why should I care...

And now that I think of reviews.. I mostly remember my worst reviews... and I do get some good ones... but still ..

I think of what my neighbour said, when she saw me a short dress, or the face my so called friend made after I told her I am single... or what my ex boyfriend or his family thinks about me.. (no matter how much I gave in that relationship)

Why is it that we mostly believe, all the negative things people say about us, NO MATTER HOW MUCH EVIDENCE there is to the CONTRARY!!! A neighbour, a face made by a random friend, an ex boyfriend can cancel out everything about us, we thought was once true...

When it comes to life and love... WHY DO WE BELIEVE OUR WORST REVIEWS!!!

SO, My discovery about reviews...

The truth is that, at any given moment someone somewhere is reviewing you...(someone is commenting on your post, your profile, someone you looked at you when you passed by, someone who is talking about you, your work.. in a positive or a negative way) which really doesn’t matter.

Because the critic I am most afraid of is not anyone else but ME!!

So the reviews which really matter ARE THE REVIEWS WHICH YOU GIVE YOURSELF!!!

And ofcourse.. that is absolutely in your control...

And sometimes you get a RAVE REVIEW when it comes from someone, especially when you least expect it!!!

Monday, December 28, 2009

On Relationships
When most of us see / hear / think of the word RELATIONSHIPS, the thought which comes to our mind is a relation with a man / woman which is more than friendship, a relation of intimacy (physical / emotional /social), a relation of commitment maybe leading to marriage..

And this thought holds true for many people I have come across in my life at various junctures...

Life changes so fast... it was so much fun in school, and being a part of convent girls school.. everything was like a fairy tale... everything was always seen with pink glasses.. nice .. happy ending.. all well... everything was easy.. life, love, career, family .. all of it... Me and friends... being a big fan of fairy tales.. always thought and believed we will find true love (whatever that means)

And now true love... doesn’t exist for me and I believe for many others too.. yes companionship does exits ...not true love.. I wonder why, maybe because I don’t know what it actually means.. I really don’t??? I REALLY DONT .. ( I am trying hard to find the words to define it... I am thoughtless LOL)

Have we with all our graduate and post graduate degrees... actually graduated past our ability to find or define TRUE LOVE!!!

When it comes to the matters of heart.... were we better off in school???

The general perception is that if you are 30’s something... then you either have a widely successful career or a very loving committed relationship... Its very rare to have it all..

So, what the hell is having it all.... lets see...

According to my logic, one wants the following from life...

Happy family – 1 point (parents , siblings etc etc)

Great Career – 1 point (job profile , salary, satisfaction)

Good social Circle – 1 point (friends to be with)

And a great relation – 1 point

So, to be happy (almost like happily after, one needs to have +4

I have +3 -1 which still equals to +2..

SO why do I feel, and always made to feel or think... that my life adds to a 0 .. when I am a +2...

I met someone today, thinks she has it all... great job, loving husband... well behaved kids... and man.. in the 5 unbearable minutes.. she just went on describing her perfect life.. and feeling sad for my not so perfect +2 life... What a B----

For some people having it all is STILL NOT ENOUGH.. they need people who missed out of the things, (which they think are required) to be Jealous... (and I was getting angry more than jealous)

I told her I have a full time Job at work and at home.. so no time for a full time man!!!

And I think, the key to having it all is, to STOP EXPECTING, life to look like you thought it should be like...

Anyway back to relationships... MY DISCOVERY on relationships is...

There are those, who open you up to something new and exotic...

Those that are old and familiar

Those that bring you somewhere unexpected...

Those that bring you far from where you started...

Those that bring you back...

But the most exciting, challenging, significant and important relationship is the one you have with YOURSELF...

And if you happen to find someone... who loves the you.... you love... well then that’s just fabulous...

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Saturday Nights

Saturday night... what it meant to me has changed so much across years...
As a student - in school, no extra classes the next day, but still I wanted to sleep early so that I can get up early at 9 to watch my favourite serial on DD .. Tom and jerry followed by Ramayan... have keema paratha for breakfast with egg (Fried, boiled, sunny side up) we used to drive our cook crazy.. it was fun with all.. dad, mom, brothers..
Then these times... just changed.. it became a day of extra classes and studying late nights for the next days CLASS TEST!! (12th std)
NIGHTS for more time with friends / TV (college)...
NIGHTS I would just eagerly wait for to spend with my special someone...
Nights I dreaded because.. It would make me realise how lonely I am feeling...
And now, It’s just a another night.. Where sometimes I have loads of me time, Unwinding after a hectic day at work.
And these Saturday nights are sometimes fun, sometimes shocking and sometimes an awesome night out with your friends... who are just there... in sickness and in health... (literally LOL) !!!
Saturday nights, where u feel all independent and grown up enough, to be out till 4 in the morning and no one to answer.
Nights, where you no more ask , just inform, people who matter that you will be late... not to wait for dinner... without cracking your brains up for an excellent excuse..
But I still can’t deny that fact that.. Saturdays are not what they used to be..
Somewhere it was more fun earlier.... actually life was more fun and more free earlier than now.. I now have all the means to have fun and be free... yet..
I can’t help but wonder... when did life stop being fun... and start becoming scary and I became all cautious of everything... cautious of what I say, what I do, who I be with, who I don’t....
When you are young, your life is all about the pursuit of fun... fun with friends, Fun playing, fun just giggling... taking risks to just enjoy...
Then you grow up.. and learn to be cautious... cause.. you may break a bone, or put on weight (even if it’s 300 gms) if you have an extra piece of cake...
You become cautious of becoming spontaneous, getting close to people, forming new relations for the fear of breaking your heart......you look before you leap... and sometimes you don’t leap at all.. because there is no one to catch..
It’s childish to deny that my life is changing...
They say that an unexamined life is not worth living... but what if the examining becomes your life.. QUESTIONS LIKE ...why this happened.. what went wrong.. what did I do wrong / right... what next... how can I not repeat this again.. and the classic rationalization “WHAT DID I LEARN FROM THIS EXPEREINCE”
Is all this questioning really life... or is it procrastinating?????... and what if all these Saturday nights of fun and independence and long conversations of QUESTIONING THE EVENTS which happen to you with your friends (in my case girlfriends) have made me all GIRL TALK... and NO GIRL ACTION... is it time to stop QUESTIONING???
The thing to realise in that sometimes in life there are no safety nets... you must take a leap anyway....
I have decided, it’s time to leave fear behind... and have some fun.... (With or without the safety net)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Soulmates.... Reality or torture Device!!!

Soul MaTE... 2 LITTLE words..One BIG Concept

A person with whom you have a strong affinity...(dictionary meaning)
A belief (so deep) that someone , somewhere is holding a key to your heart.. and incase of women also a key to your dream house.. sounds so simple.. all you have to do is find them...

So where the hell is this person... really.. where is he...
and if you love someone.. and it doesnt work out.. does it mean.. that he was not ur souldmate and just a runner up contestant in the game show "LIfe" round "Happily ever After""

There is so much presure to have one.. and the scary part is.. it seems that its coming from within u... one can still fight peer pressure / social pressure / parental pressure.. but what does one do about pressure from within...
SO I WONDER... Sould mates... peace of mind.. or pain in the neck...
I feel the pressure comes from your perception of a soulmate (which comes from society and faulty learning) And who you actually want ur soulmate to be...

If we look at it from a narrow point of view then a soulmate is the ultimate person you wnat to spend ur life with HAPPILY EVER AFTER,, the one who understands u.. respects u.. and this list can really get long...

MY DISCOVERY ABOUT SOULMATES...
Yes it doesnt hurt to have a soulmate (that person with who u share everything)
For me.. its not just one... there can be many..
My family / my friends...
and I am lucky to have that connection with my family and friends..
and what i need then is.. just this great guy to have fun with...
there problem solved...

So soulmates do exists.. and if u feel u havent found one.. look around...they have always been there in the form of a cool mom, who doesnt judge you.. a loving kid brother you loves u no matter what..a dad who'll do anything to just make you smile.. a friend who will put up with all ur tantrums because she accepts u just the way UR... an old neighbour (who u can chat with for hours even after a long gap) . an office colleague... (who you have endless chats during lunch time and otherwise)..or some stranger you've been chatting for years online...(who understands ur mood by the font who choose to type)
So Contrary of popular belief.. soulmates are easy to find...

You just have to change the way you look at those who are already There...

On Love!!!

Love....
I have observed and seen and I guess read a lot of things written about love... and i have found almost everything about love to be true..
shahrukh said:"if all is not well then it’s not the end" (I guess in om shanti om) personally i havent experienced anything remotely close to that when it comes to love.. and I am more willing to belive that Shahrukh (or the writer) always had happy's ending's..
I suppose i think about love more than anyone really should.. and I am always mesmerized and constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and change my life.. every time it did happen to me...
I think it was Shakespeare who said LOVE IS BLIND.. now this is something I have experienced to be true..
Love has been different to different people..
For some.. love is happily ever after (adjustments and frustrations included)
For some love just fades away
For some love is just lost
And for some .. love is also found again (even if its for a night)
And there are some .. these few people.. who experience the cruellest kind of love... the kind which kills (almost) all its victims... and its called the UNRECIPROCATED / UNRETURNED / UNREQUITED LOVE... of which I am an expert!!
Stories about love are about people who fall in love with each other.. but what about the rest.. what about their stories ..the ones who fall in love ALONE!!
They are the victims of the one sided affair.. the brutally assaulted ones . the unloved ones ...
My thoughts on love are for those who have willingly loved and have been cursed to suffer...
However negative this may sound.. but I know that this group truly loves... and its research that people who truly loved are more likely to love again!!!
When we are growing up. We are taught a number of things about love... things like
If someone needs u.. they love you...
If you miss them u love them
If they obsess over you they love u...
If they are dependent on you they love you...
And someday you will meet a wonderful person and have your very own happy ending... blah blah... blah..
Every movie we see,,, every song we listen to .. Pushes us to wait for this happy ending... the suspense,, the third act twist... the pleasant surprise... the unexpected declaration of love....
Sometimes we are so focussed finding our happy ending, we don’t learn to read the signs..
How to tell from the ones who want us to the ones who don’t...
To the ones who’ll stay to the ones who’ll leave ...
And maybe for someone of us, this happy ending doesn’t include a person... Maybe its you on your own... starting all over again. Preparing for something better to come along...
Maybe the happy ending is to just move on...
Anyway after the long prelude love to me is
Something I’ll never lose hope on....
And for me the happy ending is this..
Knowing that through all the waiting , the unreturned messages / calls / , through all the blunders .. misread signals... blindness..
Through all the pain, the embarrassment and broken heart...
I’ll NEVER GIVE UP HOPE !!!!
I will love again........

Thursday, December 24, 2009

about me

i was editing / creating my profile... and came to this about me section.. why does every service.. groups, network sites, work sites... want u to say something about u...
and otherwise i can keep talking about me... but when i am asked specifically i am dumbstruck...
so well what about me...
how i am --- i am absolutely unpredictable.. TO MYSELF.. (to others i really dont knw).. but for me i AM.. surprise myself always with my reactions to different situations or different reactions to the exact same situation...
What I do - i do what i love to... and feel just very lucky to be able to do that really well..
what i feel / think - i know i shouldnt use this in the same sentence.. one can feel something else and think something else... and we can do both... but most of us just think.. and think.. and lose touch with all our feelings
blogging is my attempt to feel and think separately and maybe .. just keep feeling and think only when i want to... or have too...
thats for now..
more later...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Life as I am discovering it

after years (no exaggeration) of contemplating.. here it is all my discoveries across my small and eventful life...
i hope to be able to express what my discoveries are .. just in the way i discovered them...
these thoughts / feelings / events.. or whatever they maybe are my little learnings across life... and how these have added / changed me and how i see and explore life in general....
So here i go...