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Monday, April 26, 2010

The S Syndrome

I am a 30’s something girl single, independent, successful, happy. Life is fun, I can do what I want, live life the way I wish to... and the song “it’s a beautiful life” fits my life almost perfectly!!!

SO I THOUGHT... until I realised I was hit by the S syndrome...here goes how...

I joined a class recently... following are some excerpts from my conversation with my counsellor.

Counsellor: Tell me about your family?

Me: mom, dad, 3 brothers, 2 bhabhi’s, 3 nephews, 2 nieces, 1 cat & 1 dog.

Counsellor: I meant, who do you live with?

Me: my younger bro and Bhabhi..

Counsellor: (irritated and looking at me as if I am a fool, not understanding his question)

Me: (confused) I live with my younger brother and his wife..

Counsellor: (now visibly angry) your family.. I mean your husband and children...

Me: Oh, I am not married...

Counsellor: (shocked and at same time feeling sorry) Oh, so you are single, this class will surely help you...

Me: (in trance.. just hit by the S syndrome)

Not to forget the SINGLE written in bold on my form...

I generally feel that anywhere I go, I am the only single person there.. or maybe I am the only single person anywhere.. And I hate when I get that “Don’t worry you will find someone “look..

It’s said, for a women who is above 30, It’s easier to get hit by a terrorist bullet then finding a life partner.... Society views single people my age sad and pathetic.
But to think of it, just because someone doesn’t perform the way you want them to.. Doesn’t mean you should give up on them.

Anyway, there are many times that people look at me as if being single is a bigger curse than anything else in the world.... In recent times, I haven’t come across one normal reaction to my relationship status... and when I don’t want this Judgement hanging over my head I go on the offensive and make jokes.. and most of the time.. the joke is on me!!

Jokes apart...I am going to be 35, and I am alone.. the more I sat there.. the more it hit me.. I HATE myself for saying this....... But it feels really sad not to have a man in my life, who cares about me. There is no special guy to wish me happy birthday, no god dam soul mate (And I don’t even know, if I believe in the concept anymore)

Coming back to this S syndrome (if you’ve still haven’t figured out what S stands for, you are surely not single!!)

To make matters worse.... The S syndrome just affects the female gender... Coz, if men are single for long, they are generally perceived as waiting to get settled and then take up the responsibility..
Whereas women, as soon as they reach 21 .. are perceived to be all settled and ready to jump into a relation..

And it’s not only in terms of marriage......It also has to do with making babies.. Charlie Chaplin had a baby when he was 73... He didn’t have the ability to lift the baby but he could still produce one..

As for women....... all this global warming has kicked us into early menopause (read end of reproduction, end of life!!!)Time ticks for us... not men!!! Men find it extremely putting off, when women my age ask a man to commit because age is not on their side...

My single status never really worried me so much, and I thought, it should not affect any single girl my age.... coz to be very honest........ how many guys do we really hit it off with and even if we did, relationships don’t last, and if they do, Men die first, so we are back to where we started.

So I wonder, Do I want marriage, perfect honeymoon & babies or do I think I should have marriage, a perfect honeymoon and babies...How do I separate what I could do to what I Should do .. And here’s an alarming thought.. It’s not just societal pressure as I think.. It seems like coming from within.. Why am I shoulding all over myself?

I have a wonderful life, can have almost everything I want...... So should I skip the marriage, honeymoon, kids, anniversaries drama???

I generally don’t like to sugar coat my feelings...... but at the same time I don’t want a sugar free existence

So, I don’t want to skip all the drama, I want to have it all.... wedding, kids, anniversaries....because I thought I was banking on my wonderful life, lovely family, awesome friends... But as it turns out.......... I am just hiding alone......

So what really has stopped me from not being single? I can’t continue blaming my past relationship...... No relationship in the past can be so bad to taint all my future relations. It’s not healthy and absolutely not worth it, to give it so much importance!!!

Why Have I shut myself to even the possibility of a relationship... So what if I have found some really bad ones... It’s of so much worth and such a privilege to grow old with someone, someone who doesn’t drive you up to murder.. someone who doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair..

I need to open myself to this experience again... Things happen in life that you can’t stop but that doesn’t mean that you shut off the world......

This is my life and it’s great, and short, and terrible, and endless... and none of us have come out of it alive.....

So here I am.... I don’t want to be afraid to fall in love and be in a relationship...I will look for the signal... when Life as I know....will change...

Because I believe, that someday, somehow, whatever I’ve prayed for will come true... it may not be in the exact package I wanted, but it will be what god thinks is best for me......

And Sooner or later I will find someone who will choose.......

Feelings over logic

Principles over polish

Values over money

Soul over looks

Love over lust...

And I know this might be a big gamble..... and I may end up frustrated and more disillusioned...

But, then again there are something’s worth gambling on......

Because I have discovered,

To hit the jackpot in the future you might have to bet on where you are in the present...

Love always...

For now,

Just ......

Miss Parveen Shaikh....

Sunday, April 25, 2010

In the Pursuit of...

Everyone is in the pursuit of something.....

Some in the pursuit of the best business deal... for which they can go to any extent... even having meetings while in flight reaching somewhere...

Some in the pursuit of the perfect figure... for which they can actually just survive on AIR!!

Some in the pursuit of money... put this as a different category.. cause all don’t rely on working or business for money.. some also MARRY!!!

Some in the pursuit of the best holiday.. for which they can drive any travel agent / airline crazy and also dive through the ash clouds.... phew (and some read me.. just plan and talk..)

Some in the pursuit of wanting everyone to like them , want them... these can go to any extent of pain (hidden) to make it happen...

Some in the pursuit of making their sweetheart smile.. even if it is travelling 3 hours to spend 20 minutes at the station.... or in my case travel to a different country and end up getting my heart broken!!!

Well there are too many pursuits to mention... I’ll just stick to mine...

I am in the pursuit of the following,

A) The perfect weight loss plan... where I want to challenge all the professionals in the world... make me plan where I eat whatever I want in whatever amount I want... do no exercise.. and still be size 12 (zero is being too ambitious, 20 to 12 is good enough, then i will get my size in any apparel store I walk into.. What’s the big deal in making the obvious weight loss plan, eat healthy exercise and lose weight. The fun is to go crazy with food and no exercise and still lose....

B) My retirement plan.. not only financial (not that I am any closer to having one).. I am in the pursuit of an emotional and a social retirement plan, which does not include a happy ever after relationship.. I need a plan where I have people to depend on for emotional support and social support by which I mean... people to bitch too and some company, to avoid going out alone on a Saturday night!!

C) The final cure for cancer... why the hell can’t a whole bunch of doctors not find a pill with the least amount of pain and bring an end to this horrible disease...

D) The perfect way of saying what I really want to and at the right time... without wasting tones of time figuring out the right words..(And ironically I write!!!)

E) And finally figuring out what I really want???

While putting all this, I realised that my list of pursuits... will always increase and never end.. coz as time changes so do our pursuits and wants. What I wanted yesterday is different than what I want today and what I will want in future.

Sometimes being in the pursuit of various things can make one look as if he / she is not satisfied with what one has in life already.. Which is not a very good feeling to live with...

I guess having a pursuit is not the issue, the issue most of the time we attach the word PERFECT to it. Some may not attach the word “Perfect” but perceive the pursuit to be perfect... which is worst coz then there is no acceptance either.

This perception is the reason why things we already have become pursuits...
I am not saying accept sub standard stuff and not go after what you want... what I mean is ... if we are more accepting and flexible maybe then...

People wouldn’t end lives,

There wouldn’t be so many divorces and breakups,

People would find partners easily,

We might not change so many jobs,

We would not end friendships... ..

We would be just in the pursuit of making things which we already have better and stronger... or we would just let go off things which we can’t do anything about!!

So pursue whatever you want to... but before you go crazy in your pursuit... look around.... you just might find ONE around the corner and the only thing to work on then would be your PERCEPTION!!

BUT The one thing which we all need to be constantly in the pursuit of is ...LOVE... coz whatever the cynical in me says or gets sarcastic about...

Love does make my world go round.. and love can make me

Loose weight (with all the diets and exercise) just to see my lil bro smile..

Love can make me accept and let go of my hurt and make a fresh emotional start....

Love can make me fight cancer and not run away from it....

Love can make me say the words which are the most difficult to say and aceept..
“I am sorry and don’t go away from me”

And with all this love... who really wants anything else in life...

SO I AM AND WILL BE IN THE PURSUIT OF LOVE!!!

And also in the pursuit of a post that anyone who reads.... comments.......
(Now if this is not a clue.. what is?? )

Happy commenting!!!

and incase I dont comment back... I might be busy pusuing LOVE!!

cheers
Parveen