Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Emotional Atyaachaar!!!

Well with all the time available to me..(I hope u guys smell sarcasm) I managed to see this program on some channel.... called emotional atyaachaar.... its about spying (or loyalty test as they call it) if you suspect your GF or BF to cheat, you can ask these channel people to do a sting operation and find out how faithful your partner is...
And every time I watch it, the one who is being cheated goes through the worst of atyaachaar... contrary to the promotional campaign of the program which says “ Save yourself from Emotional atyaachaar”

And I wonder How such a program can get high TRP’s ??? are we all looking out for cheap thrills like these!!!. Are the ones who want to find out the faithfulness of their partners sadist... or Are we all Masochist !!! entertainment at the cost of someone else's HEARTACHE!!!

Look at the Tiger Woods’ and the football player controversy. Who are we to judge them??. Tiger Woods recently apologised on TV for his behaviour... and that’s a sign of a good human being.. coz to err is human... He let his wife down, was unfaithful... now it’s their business whether they want to make their marriage work or end it... who are we really to judge.. why cant we separate the person from the behaviour... well easy said than done..

Well, I don’t want to get into this... What I am trying to understand is ..................

Why do people cheat??

And if they have cheated, can we forgive???

Question A:

In a gravity free world... where anything goes... what constitutes cheating???
Lets see,

Men cheat, for the same reason as dogs lick their balls... because they can; it’s a part of their biology...

Not to forget women cheat to (I would say more than men) there is no biological reason really.. though some people think that women who cheat are completely different than men... as they don’t go randomly attacking every man they think they are attracted too... because apparently women are not driven by testosterone, they are driven by emotions.. or hormones!!

Anyway instead of wasting all that energy, condemning the cheaters (men / women) maybe it’s time we all get in line with the reality of the situation...

People have different definitions’ and reactions to cheating...

Some can’t tolerate

Some are blind...

Some are forgiving (or maybe insecure, that maybe they won’t find anyone else)

And some are more realistic about human nature.. (mostly these are the ones who cheat..)

And I just don’t think you can define cheating in the absolute term... According to me there’s a cheating curve. Someone’s definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how they themselves want to cheat... maybe it is moral relativism or maybe quantum cheating... Einstein just got into me for a second!!)

The fact is the act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught, one does not exist without the other...

So according to me don’t cheat and if you cheat... don’t get caught... be smart!!! Because cynically speaking in a city like Mumbai with infinite options and possibilities... maybe monogamy has become too much to expect!!! (and I don’t just mean in love.. in all relationships .. friendships... designers.. favourite food joints, we don’t stick to one.. one way or the other we all cheat!!)

And also how many of us, actually look at the other side of the story... .. condemning is easy.. finding out what made the person stray takes effort... and for me finding out how, and what made my partner cheat is worth the effort... even if it turned out that he was AN ASSHOLE WITH A ROVING EYE!!!

Question B

Can we forgive? Is it really possible to forgive?

Well personal experience says... not easy at all... one of the most difficult things to do.. even more difficult than giving up chocolate..

Forgiving depends a lot upon how much pain or suffering can you really take in a relationship....

Practically speaking, most of the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusions... and one of the biggest delusions or beliefs is that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having...

In love relationships there is a fine line between pleasure and pain... to some pain implies growth, but how do we know when the growing pain stops and the pains pain takes over!!

So when do we know the tipping point... are we masochist or optimist?? that we still continue to walk the thin line of pleasure or pain.. When it comes to relationships how do we know when enough is enough!!!

And why do we believe that a relationship has to be really difficult to work!!

And I haven’t still figured out an answer to this question... I really don’t know... maybe beause I haven’t really forgiven anyone who has broken my heart or my trust....

After 2 long pages of rambling on with loads of confused questions and really no answers ... what I am trying to say is ...

Life is too short, and it keeps changing... so the people who we love and who then cheat on us for another lover or new friends.. have just changed to someone totally different and that’s really not cheating.. its going with flow and being adaptable to their changing priorities!!!

As for forgiving.....I know its not easy, but it sounds better and feels good if instead of FORGIVING SOMEONE (and making them feel like shit) WE JUST ACCEPT THEM FOR WHO THEY HAVE BECOME......

And I really feel, it’s totally worth the effort, which I will find out soon... coz I HAVE DECIEDED THAT I AM GOING TO ACCEPT ALL THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE FOR WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY HAVE CHANGED TOO... (Specially one of the most important person in my life, who I really miss)

Because in a city of infinite options and possibilities ..... sometimes it really feels good and less stressful to know that you have only one!!

Dedicated to all who are contemplating to forgive.... or even CHEAT!!!



  1. And some are more realistic about human nature.. (mostly these are the ones who cheat..)paisa wasool article padhna safal.....

  2. call her right aways paar.... if u havent so far dat is....
    ps: i luv u

  3. do u have ne idea how well uve started writin ur thots flow so crisp on paper almost as crisp as they do within ur head.... i luv the way uve written so confidently about gender differences in chetin though i think its absolutely silly (we re all entitiled to our own opinions)....

  4. absolute term.... cheating curve..... moral relativism.....quantum cheatin... wowowoooo.....

  5. cant stop readin it... twice down... again i guess.... right aways

  6. Thanks for letting me know that cheating is a natural phenomena and I m not abnormal….hope to get my ways straight soon as now I can also understand how it feels like to be cheated but I suppose I deserve to be forgiven …I am sure that I would have been one character in you mind when u wrote this…Thanks for this eye opener

  7. @ ami - I was very skeptical of putting this up... its a lil too over the top.. anyway I am glad i Did and glad you read and commemted..
    @ Julius - I am not saying its ok to cheat.. its about choice.. as for forgiveness... everyone has a right and absolutely deserves to be forgiven... its normal... god forgives all the time... and we shamelessly continue doing the same or maybe different mistakes.. then Why cant we forgive??? or according to my post accept the person as he becomes... anyway its all about when one reaches his tipping point..so what you need to think and decide is are you and your partner still ready to forgive and forget.. or you have reached the TIPPING POINT!!!

  8. At last...U R BACK
    Most of the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusions....amazing line and honest one
    U have knack for making everything simple..specially all the complicated stuff :)

  9. Too gud, but the question lies in Question B. Its not easy to forgive, the war starts between the brain and heart. Brain wants to forgive but the heart doesnt accepts the fact of heartache... In this confusion the person mite lead to depression then the forgiving part becomes more difficult... The reality is "Time heals everthing as it passes by", and after sometime u feel, whatever happens, happens for good...

  10. @ Mixed feeling - thanks sweetheart... ur comments encourage me to write.. and I loved that libne myself..
    @ faiyaz - seems ages u and me have spoken or eben chatted.. hope all's well ... as for the heart and brain thing, I feel the brain doesnt let us forgive.. heart is always forgiving.... as for all happening for the best... i dont know whether i belive in that(maybe will write a post soon on everything happens for the best :)...) and yes I totally believe and trust that.. Time Heals.. We just need to give time to time...
    Love always,

  11. hi parveen, we havent chatted in a long time and sorry couldn't come to meet you.

    on my side , all's fine . An eligible bachlor went for a family function today. After ages, It was one of my uncle's 60th birthday. He had a small religious ceremony and had invited a small crowd (~150 people for dinner ) including my mom and i . And you know me with crowds - that too many unknown faces. I looked out for sanctuary in the kitchen where my aunt and her sister and my mom were busy helping the kitchen work ( familiar known people ) but in such occasions , there would always be some elderly lady entering , greeting and asking what i'm up to ( how i hate these petty talk with strangers ) but being polite , i would humbly smile and simply reply " i'm a student "-( being very technically precise, truthful and correct ). but these tenacious ladies would try return " in what ? where ? "
    I decided to change my strategy and say to the next few people who asked , i replied and in a sad puppy face " i'm unemployed " ( not quite correct , but practically , as i don't earn, not far from the truth ) and it so avoid the next 2 questions ! ( but also ,unconciously i believe deletes their memory of the encounter with me as i'm really not intereseted in keeping their faces in my mind ) That went on with a few ladies , till my mom overheard me . And what scornful face she gave me !!
    " Please idli , don't !!These ladies will be scandalised ! Till only last year , you were working in a hospital , treating some of them or their relatives They are seeing you after a long time and they wont understand - be more elaborative !

    Gosh - these ladies . i decided to escape the assault by looking for something to do which was serving the dinner !

    But my story didnt end there . Now i have this loving cousin , who saw it as her sisterly obligation to look out for me . We do get along very well and we'd meet mostly at weddings , where we'd sit together and check out girls ! for the shy bachelor cousin that i am !! comment and counter comment ( much teasing at her lack of taste ). But being at wedding ,and knowing our place we kept it to us . All very fun !
    But now at her place , she was in home territory . At one time she grabbed me to introduce me to the all the eligible girls out there . I'm sure she must have had a blast at my expense ! worth the sight of my face , turning all sort of colours. There the tall one , the dyed haired one, , her favourite , the girl who did the same field as i but in delhi . The correct french term is " depayiser " It 's quite a task to be in a forced situation to talk to people ( and not booze to help out either ) She'll be having a field day the next time we meet ! and maybe for years to come . Gosh quite an evening . But a nice one nevertheless.

  12. Anyways , besides above, Coming to your blog P , In the bible , there used to be a nice story i liked , where some people brought a woman adulterer to jesus and said that in the law of moses condemned this woman to be stoned , and wat would jesus do ? Jesus just replied that " he who is without sin amonst you , shall cast the 1st stone " And soon , one by one the people realised wat he meant left , till jesus was alone with teh woman !
    You know very well parveen that i cant comment on this blog - I know one of the producers of the show very well . Though i did ask her her comments once on the show . She replied that It's a show that everyone has an opinion about - positive or negative . everyone does crossing every social fabric and that may explain it's high TRP ratings But to herself , she discovered more about herself thru this show .Everyone reacts uniquely to hurt , to cheating . What she discovered was how a as a person , she felt better in retrospective , taht she was not a vengeful , bitter , or hurtful person . Maybe a bit to herself initially , but she eventually dealt with it and noone was hurt/got hurt around her ! and she's proud of the good person she feels about it .
    Life is lived looking backwards at the events that shaped it !

  13. Nice take on cheaters! well written, but all in all...very elementary for my understanding of society norms..life is not about society or their norms..every culture has their take on cheaters..ever heard of how the fundamental arabic society reacts to women cheaters? and the male is allowed to have 4 wifes very convineintly..now "That's" a society! but how many would want to convert?

    To me city life by itself is a new culture a new religion. Governed by laws of only ...and mind you only..."MONEY" relationships are there i dont deny it...but in the face or comparisons to money...it dont matter..The programme "emotional attyachar" which is not an original concept, was inspired not to improve the society but to make money out of showing complete crass...now you might understand why programmes like big boss 4 have to bring in obnoxious people back even after they have been casted out..TRP'S... people love it...and thats where the advt revenue comes in. its plain "MATH"

    The word cheater comes in when we want the best of both worlds..we know we dont deserve it but want it anyways...

    in a way we all are cheaters...and not neccesarly cheating one another in relationships but with life itself...we were born in this world to question and find answers about "Life" itself about our relationship with the unseen force or "God" as many would call it..and most of us just go in circles trying to chase the unimportant things of life...knowing deep in our hearts that this life itself is just a passing phase...with a definite beginning and a definite end..