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Monday, June 11, 2012

Hope Floats


Hope floats

I cannot blame writers block to my laziness anymore.. so for all who wanted me to write regularly.. this is for you.. Finally out of inertia...

Because some of you were so desperately HOPING for me to write again... I couldn’t think of anything else but HOPE... which most of the times can be the choice you make after CHANGE...

And my life and actually its true for almost all of us ..... IS ALL ABOUT CHANGE...
When we experience change.... we have our family, friends, well wishers telling us... THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR THE BEST....

 But

What they are actually trying to tell us is,  that what we didn’t want to happen has happened.. and we have no choice,  but to accept and deal with it... 

Which is obviously is the most logical thing to say...  but then the fuck up is...  its not that easy... All of us have experienced change... for the good or in some cases for bad as well.....

  • Some of us with lot of strength accept it and deal with it as advised..
  • Some of us don’t... and get into denial mode... and ignore... and get depressed.. and etc etc..
  • Some of us... (ME) act as if they have accepted the change and are dealing with it in the most effective way.. but in reality  it’s not what it appears to be...

 People like me (if they are any of my kind existing) hold on to what they didn’t want to change (even if the change has done good)  and dwell on it forever... going back and forth and just torturing themselves... out of personal choice!! Refusing to come out of the comfort zone even if its better otherwise... denying themselves happiness... because of their inability to take risks...

And in my case... (I am the third and the most deadly category) by the grace of god, change has always done me good)..... So why didn’t I let HOPE FLOAT!!! 

My job is a lot to do with hope... making individuals see what’s possible, believing in themselves, taking action and achieving their dreams... ....... and I have done this for 12 years...

 I am a sucker for positivity and hope... in the way I speak, talk to people.... even on my facebook status... and yet... I didn’t HOPE.. didn’t practice what I preached and advocated so strongly... And the worst part is I didn’t hope... but believed and acted as if I did...

So I thought why don’t...... I do what I say, Act as per my belief .... that Hope Floats .... For everyone in every condition ... whether it is

  • ·         Dealing with a terminal illness
  • ·         Waiting for the right diagnosis for your condition
  • ·         Dealing with a broken marriage / relationship
  • ·         Waiting to finish your studies and finally start your life..
  • ·         Adjusting to a new city... new job...
  • ·         Accepting things when they go wrong...
  • ·         Trying to make someone understand what you feel for them...
  • ·         Healing your broken heart and soul... again and again and again....

If there is hope... life moves on... there is something to look forward to every moment you breathe.. Sunrise gives you energy... sunset gives you patience to wait for tomorrow.

I know... it’s easier said then done... But the thing to remember is hope doesn’t just sit there like a stone.. it has to be made...like bread.. remade all the time fresh and new....

And I can do this .... if I have the intention to see the possibilities what life has to offer... have the courage to believe it will happen.. and the self esteem to not settle for anything less than what I deserve.....

And not to forget...there is something else which also floats ... more on that later ;)
Love always
P

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The decade that was....

I know it’s a little late in the year to contemplate over and talk about what happened in the last decade.. But as they say... better late than never...

At the beginning of the decade, I wanted to take a step back and ponder on the decade that was... the most happening decade of my life... The decade of many wonderful beginnings and traumatic ends!!!

And I guess not only for me... for many others like me, around me... the decade gone by has been special / different in some way or the other for everyone... and think about it.. it has to be..... because by default atleast a couple of significant life events have to happen to a person in a decade..

Events like, End of education, start of work, marriage, children

If one is really lucky and lets others decide for him/her, all of the above 4 events can happen in 10 years!!

If one doesn’t want to contribute to population explosion or just lazy... then 3 out of the 4...

If one (read me) is suffering from inertia, commitment phobia, trust issues, boredom issues, variety issues then 2 out of 4

And if one is born to really rich parents... and / or is also a loser..... one or non out of 4

Well, enough of cynicism.. ..Let’s get to the Decade that was....

When I started writing this post.. I wanted to dwell upon all the significant, life changing events that happened to me in the last ten years...... but then what is gone is gone... and what it left behind are a few life altering realisations, learning’s and deeper understanding of myself ....

My decade started with a new job.. infinite possibilities... discovering my strengths at work... and my first step towards my career goals... and that’s when I learnt that “ things that come quickly into your life are the ones that you believe in the most!” I love my work..... believe in the goodness of what it offers and success just came... I guess god was personally monitoring my progress and blessed me at every step.... for which I am eternally grateful...

I went from losing myself to rediscovering myself... there was a time when, whatever I did or even felt was just to make a few people happy and be with me.. but then I started missing who I used to be and realised that, someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger.. but they will never be ME!

I went from feeling very lonely in a house full of family to feeling loved and cared for even in deserted cancer ward in a big city hospital... that’s when I realised....... The only people who accept you for who you are and love you no matter what...... are the ones who you call family...... and no boyfriend, career, even friends can ever replace that and it’s never too late to make that bond stronger or for that matter even create a bond if there isn’t one already.

I went from drowning in self pity with a badly bruised heart and rock bottom self esteem (the worst of the decade) to the following life altering realisations.....

“There is meaning to my pain if I rise above it”

“In life there are always undesirable things, so in order to feel better; I just need to look at life from a different direction”

“The things or events that have happened to me in life don’t need an answer they just need a grateful heart ... and if I have gratitude I will find peace in everything and everywhere”

And the most important realisation of all, “I need to love myself, to be be amazed by the satisfaction life presents.”

And bam... life just changed...... because that’s the thing about time and realisations.... Sometimes a decade can pass by in an uneventful second with a numb head... and then in just 2 years.... monumental things can happen...

Things that give so much wisdom... wisdom to know that...

Time doesn’t really heal everything automatically.. its what we learn during the given time that heals.... it really does... fixes a broken heart... broken trust... as well as some very stubborn scars and fat deposits!!!

Sometimes even if you are not sure of your direction or lost or wondering what the hell is happening....... you can still find your way to something wonderful because seriously.... If life always waited for us to understand what’s going on..... nothing awesome would ever happen......

It’s not always necessary to use your feelings for everything,.........sometimes you also need to use your brains!!

And now six months down in my next decade... I am here with the confidence and faith that ... the next ten years will be equal (if not more eventful) as my previous one... because I know that, “Faith is the continual demonstration of strength and wonder of life”

I may not be where I need to be... but I thank god I am not where I used to be!!!!

I may not have had all the major events in the last decade (marriage, children) ... the new decade looks promising...

It’s been lucky... we won the world cup.

I finally got my house renovated.

I have made my next career and relationship decision.

I have managed to accept that I am lovable with and without the weight.

So here’s hoping that by the end of the next decade... you would be reading my views in a book (which you would have bought voluntarily because it would be a best seller and winner of many book awards) and some of you who are thinking ... I’ll give you guys a complimentary copy.. dream on!!! :P :P :P

love always
Paro.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Surprises and Shocks!!!

Dictitionary.com describes surprises & shocks as follows:
Surprise – to be amazed / astonished
Shock – sudden and violent blow/impact

I know I don’t need to give you guys a vocabulary lesson, but then its been awhile I have blogged... l didn’t know how to begin 

Anyway, All of us go through these emotions ... some at frequent intervals!!!
Life is all about shocks and surprises... Most of us crib about life being monotonous and regular .. and the ones who crib the most about a regular boring life... are actually the ones who are the most annoyed, disturbed about these shocks and surprises... and I was one of these cribbers!!!

The last few years for me have been a roller coaster of S & s ... (capital S for surprises and small s for shocks, for obvious reasons)

Introspecting about my loonnggg list of surprises and shocks has led me to change my perspective about them

And here is why!!

When you are shocked that you have hit rock bottom up and surprised by the fact that now the only way out is the WAY UP!!

When you are surprised that people who you have just met... or not contacted for years... give you a pleasant surprise on your birthday and shocked that people who you know for 10 years conveniently forget!

Shocked that your close friends leave you when they find someone new and surprised that you have friends who are still waiting for you!!!

Surprised that you have such wonderful angels around you to bring you a smile on your face by a warm hug or sweet good morning.... and shocked that yet, you allow insecure cynics to screw your happiness!!!

Shocked that you face a financial crunch out of nowhere and surprised that you have some savings which you didn’t remember!!! Or some honest person.. who still remembers that he / she owes you money!!

Surprised that you meet someone after so many years and start from where you have left, and shocked that you start all over again with someone who is with you every day!!

Shocked that how selfishly you break the bond with your family and surprised that how easy it is to form that bond again and even STRONGER!!

Surprised that it takes a few moments for someone to want to be with you forever and shocked that some who knows you for years doesn’t want to be with you at all.

Shocked that you are unable to create that special bond with the one person, you wanted to spend your entire life with..... and surprised that you have made so many special bonds with so many lovely people!!

Surprised that your kids can handle life so beautifully and shocked that you still need a lot of advice in handling yours!!!

Shocked that at the age of 35 you still have boyfriend issues and surprised that you still manage to find a boyfriend at the age of 35!!!

Surprised that you have been offered to co -author a book because of the rambling you do on your blog and shocked that in spite of literally begging people, they don’t comment on you post.

Shocked that with all the failures and life‘s fuck ups you have lost confidence in yourself and surprised that so many people take their life’s major decisions because they have confidence in you!!!

And finally

Shocked that you have done whatever you could do to make things fine for you and surprised that when you are just about to give up, god steps in and does what you can’t!!

So, my discovery about the S& s phenomena is that they are two sides of the same coin... with every shock... there is a little surprise packed in.... what we need is just a little change in perspective, a bit of introspection and in some cases a little SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

Because you can be surprised that life is a box of chocolates and shocked that you have DIABETES... but, if you drop the cynicism ... you will BE SURPRISED to discover... the yummiest SUGAR FREE CHOCALATE CHIP COOKIES!!!

Wish you all a life of shocks with pleasant surprises all around them!!

God bless!!
Feel free to add your list of S & s

P.S - next blogpost coming up soon....

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Yes….. No….. I don’t Know!

Long long ago, there was a place called crazy land, beautiful angels lived there. These angels helped people reach their destination. They just loved and enjoyed their time in crazy land, there was just a small problem.....the angels talked too much and ate too much... every opportunity they had to eat or to talk,, they would just start, without any fear of the consequences…, which frequently landed them into trouble… Untill the day they got an ultimatum from the neighbours who lived in boringville, to shut the fuck up.. or get out of crazy land (unfortunately the way to crazy land was through boringville!!!)

The angels were heart broken... how could they even think of not talking... and one fine day they discovered these three magical words...

YES.... NO... I DONT KNOW....

If some of you are wondering what’s this all about... don’t rack your brains..... It’s only for the angels... and they are laughing right now...

Now back to what this should have originally been...

My view on Yes... No... I don’t know

It is a common know fact and a very popular saying that life is full of choices, you have options for everything.... Food, clothes, house, jobs, friends , love etc....

So I thought.. and like every normal human... I kept making these choices (few in some, many in some)...

The most obvious one being FOOD.. those who know me will know why!!

Clothes – the choice of food pretty much screwed and narrowed the choice of clothes... but occasionally I do try to Experiment and miserably fail.. those who have seen me on Saturday nights will know how!!

House: didn’t have much choice here.. now have 4... my house, mom’s house, bro’s house... and the place where I stay the most... WORKPLACE!! Which btw influences almost all the choices…

Jobs... in my case Job... let me not say much... those who know me ... will be laughing already.....

Friends – have always made the right choice and have some lovely people who I feel priveledged to call my close friends... (I think I make the best choice in friends)

But ironically the best one I had... decided to choose someone else...

Love – no problem here at all... I don’t choose... they choose me... and then misuse me (oh! Its rhymes) On a serious note..... I no more venture here!! I suck at it!!

Personally for me making a choice has always been a nightmare... however flexible and spontaneous I am.. or I believe I am... making a choice has never been easy... and the biggest reason is I hate change (I better accept this now).. and nothing wrong in that.. most people resist change and I am no different...

The difficulty is not dealing with my choice after its made (I am too stubborn and fiercely guard my choices) My major issue is to deal with the time before and during making my choice!!!

The above was the case till I discovered the 3 magic words...

YES.. NO... I DONT KNOW..

If we really think about it ..... these can actually make choosing so easy... Only if we could just answer Yes / No / I don’t know.....our life would be less complicated, so simple... and we would be happy and at peace!!!

Our conscience would not prick so much as, instead of finding faults with people or giving an excuse to cheat...We could just say, “YES.... this is not working”.

We would not be addicted to substance or anything for that matter... if we had the courage to say NO!!

We wouldn’t lie or feel ashamed if we just said, “I don’t know”

These words are so simple.....yet so powerful!!!

So why can’t we muster up the courage..... and use... these 3 words.....which when added to any sentence make things so clear and easy to understand... for example...

Yes!! I love you

No! I can’t do this / can’t change for you

I don’t know .... give me sometime... or explain!!

And you don’t always have to use them in a sentence... they say a lot even when said alone...
NO
I DONT KNOW
YES !! YES!! YES!!! (Would sound so much better verbally!!!)


As for me... using these 3 words...

Helps me...
Save some money.... only the angels know how!!

Pushes me to my limits...
Yes, I will get this done.... will snap out of it!!
No, I wont give up..
I don’t know now... but will find out soon...

Lands me in Trouble
Yes you are gay
No, I am not
I don’t know how to get out of this!!

Makes me sad
Yes, I miss you
No, I will not make the first move
I don’t know why this is taking so much time!

Keeps me confused!!!
Yes, I want a partner!! (5 out of 7 days)
NO, I don’t want to get married!!
I Don’t know WHY !!!

And makes me happy!!!
Yes, I accept myself as I am
No, I won’t give up on Hope!!
I don’t know , why certain things happen to me...
But I know for sure... God will take care of me always!!

As for crazy land ... it’s still as crazy as it was... just that the angels have become wise.... and now they follow the golden rule....

WHEN THE CAT IS AWAY.... THE MICE WILL STRAY!!!

Love always

P.S
Yes, people will comment
No, issues even if they didn’t
I don’t know, why I force people to comment on my post????




Monday, April 26, 2010

The S Syndrome

I am a 30’s something girl single, independent, successful, happy. Life is fun, I can do what I want, live life the way I wish to... and the song “it’s a beautiful life” fits my life almost perfectly!!!

SO I THOUGHT... until I realised I was hit by the S syndrome...here goes how...

I joined a class recently... following are some excerpts from my conversation with my counsellor.

Counsellor: Tell me about your family?

Me: mom, dad, 3 brothers, 2 bhabhi’s, 3 nephews, 2 nieces, 1 cat & 1 dog.

Counsellor: I meant, who do you live with?

Me: my younger bro and Bhabhi..

Counsellor: (irritated and looking at me as if I am a fool, not understanding his question)

Me: (confused) I live with my younger brother and his wife..

Counsellor: (now visibly angry) your family.. I mean your husband and children...

Me: Oh, I am not married...

Counsellor: (shocked and at same time feeling sorry) Oh, so you are single, this class will surely help you...

Me: (in trance.. just hit by the S syndrome)

Not to forget the SINGLE written in bold on my form...

I generally feel that anywhere I go, I am the only single person there.. or maybe I am the only single person anywhere.. And I hate when I get that “Don’t worry you will find someone “look..

It’s said, for a women who is above 30, It’s easier to get hit by a terrorist bullet then finding a life partner.... Society views single people my age sad and pathetic.
But to think of it, just because someone doesn’t perform the way you want them to.. Doesn’t mean you should give up on them.

Anyway, there are many times that people look at me as if being single is a bigger curse than anything else in the world.... In recent times, I haven’t come across one normal reaction to my relationship status... and when I don’t want this Judgement hanging over my head I go on the offensive and make jokes.. and most of the time.. the joke is on me!!

Jokes apart...I am going to be 35, and I am alone.. the more I sat there.. the more it hit me.. I HATE myself for saying this....... But it feels really sad not to have a man in my life, who cares about me. There is no special guy to wish me happy birthday, no god dam soul mate (And I don’t even know, if I believe in the concept anymore)

Coming back to this S syndrome (if you’ve still haven’t figured out what S stands for, you are surely not single!!)

To make matters worse.... The S syndrome just affects the female gender... Coz, if men are single for long, they are generally perceived as waiting to get settled and then take up the responsibility..
Whereas women, as soon as they reach 21 .. are perceived to be all settled and ready to jump into a relation..

And it’s not only in terms of marriage......It also has to do with making babies.. Charlie Chaplin had a baby when he was 73... He didn’t have the ability to lift the baby but he could still produce one..

As for women....... all this global warming has kicked us into early menopause (read end of reproduction, end of life!!!)Time ticks for us... not men!!! Men find it extremely putting off, when women my age ask a man to commit because age is not on their side...

My single status never really worried me so much, and I thought, it should not affect any single girl my age.... coz to be very honest........ how many guys do we really hit it off with and even if we did, relationships don’t last, and if they do, Men die first, so we are back to where we started.

So I wonder, Do I want marriage, perfect honeymoon & babies or do I think I should have marriage, a perfect honeymoon and babies...How do I separate what I could do to what I Should do .. And here’s an alarming thought.. It’s not just societal pressure as I think.. It seems like coming from within.. Why am I shoulding all over myself?

I have a wonderful life, can have almost everything I want...... So should I skip the marriage, honeymoon, kids, anniversaries drama???

I generally don’t like to sugar coat my feelings...... but at the same time I don’t want a sugar free existence

So, I don’t want to skip all the drama, I want to have it all.... wedding, kids, anniversaries....because I thought I was banking on my wonderful life, lovely family, awesome friends... But as it turns out.......... I am just hiding alone......

So what really has stopped me from not being single? I can’t continue blaming my past relationship...... No relationship in the past can be so bad to taint all my future relations. It’s not healthy and absolutely not worth it, to give it so much importance!!!

Why Have I shut myself to even the possibility of a relationship... So what if I have found some really bad ones... It’s of so much worth and such a privilege to grow old with someone, someone who doesn’t drive you up to murder.. someone who doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair..

I need to open myself to this experience again... Things happen in life that you can’t stop but that doesn’t mean that you shut off the world......

This is my life and it’s great, and short, and terrible, and endless... and none of us have come out of it alive.....

So here I am.... I don’t want to be afraid to fall in love and be in a relationship...I will look for the signal... when Life as I know....will change...

Because I believe, that someday, somehow, whatever I’ve prayed for will come true... it may not be in the exact package I wanted, but it will be what god thinks is best for me......

And Sooner or later I will find someone who will choose.......

Feelings over logic

Principles over polish

Values over money

Soul over looks

Love over lust...

And I know this might be a big gamble..... and I may end up frustrated and more disillusioned...

But, then again there are something’s worth gambling on......

Because I have discovered,

To hit the jackpot in the future you might have to bet on where you are in the present...

Love always...

For now,

Just ......

Miss Parveen Shaikh....

Sunday, April 25, 2010

In the Pursuit of...

Everyone is in the pursuit of something.....

Some in the pursuit of the best business deal... for which they can go to any extent... even having meetings while in flight reaching somewhere...

Some in the pursuit of the perfect figure... for which they can actually just survive on AIR!!

Some in the pursuit of money... put this as a different category.. cause all don’t rely on working or business for money.. some also MARRY!!!

Some in the pursuit of the best holiday.. for which they can drive any travel agent / airline crazy and also dive through the ash clouds.... phew (and some read me.. just plan and talk..)

Some in the pursuit of wanting everyone to like them , want them... these can go to any extent of pain (hidden) to make it happen...

Some in the pursuit of making their sweetheart smile.. even if it is travelling 3 hours to spend 20 minutes at the station.... or in my case travel to a different country and end up getting my heart broken!!!

Well there are too many pursuits to mention... I’ll just stick to mine...

I am in the pursuit of the following,

A) The perfect weight loss plan... where I want to challenge all the professionals in the world... make me plan where I eat whatever I want in whatever amount I want... do no exercise.. and still be size 12 (zero is being too ambitious, 20 to 12 is good enough, then i will get my size in any apparel store I walk into.. What’s the big deal in making the obvious weight loss plan, eat healthy exercise and lose weight. The fun is to go crazy with food and no exercise and still lose....

B) My retirement plan.. not only financial (not that I am any closer to having one).. I am in the pursuit of an emotional and a social retirement plan, which does not include a happy ever after relationship.. I need a plan where I have people to depend on for emotional support and social support by which I mean... people to bitch too and some company, to avoid going out alone on a Saturday night!!

C) The final cure for cancer... why the hell can’t a whole bunch of doctors not find a pill with the least amount of pain and bring an end to this horrible disease...

D) The perfect way of saying what I really want to and at the right time... without wasting tones of time figuring out the right words..(And ironically I write!!!)

E) And finally figuring out what I really want???

While putting all this, I realised that my list of pursuits... will always increase and never end.. coz as time changes so do our pursuits and wants. What I wanted yesterday is different than what I want today and what I will want in future.

Sometimes being in the pursuit of various things can make one look as if he / she is not satisfied with what one has in life already.. Which is not a very good feeling to live with...

I guess having a pursuit is not the issue, the issue most of the time we attach the word PERFECT to it. Some may not attach the word “Perfect” but perceive the pursuit to be perfect... which is worst coz then there is no acceptance either.

This perception is the reason why things we already have become pursuits...
I am not saying accept sub standard stuff and not go after what you want... what I mean is ... if we are more accepting and flexible maybe then...

People wouldn’t end lives,

There wouldn’t be so many divorces and breakups,

People would find partners easily,

We might not change so many jobs,

We would not end friendships... ..

We would be just in the pursuit of making things which we already have better and stronger... or we would just let go off things which we can’t do anything about!!

So pursue whatever you want to... but before you go crazy in your pursuit... look around.... you just might find ONE around the corner and the only thing to work on then would be your PERCEPTION!!

BUT The one thing which we all need to be constantly in the pursuit of is ...LOVE... coz whatever the cynical in me says or gets sarcastic about...

Love does make my world go round.. and love can make me

Loose weight (with all the diets and exercise) just to see my lil bro smile..

Love can make me accept and let go of my hurt and make a fresh emotional start....

Love can make me fight cancer and not run away from it....

Love can make me say the words which are the most difficult to say and aceept..
“I am sorry and don’t go away from me”

And with all this love... who really wants anything else in life...

SO I AM AND WILL BE IN THE PURSUIT OF LOVE!!!

And also in the pursuit of a post that anyone who reads.... comments.......
(Now if this is not a clue.. what is?? )

Happy commenting!!!

and incase I dont comment back... I might be busy pusuing LOVE!!

cheers
Parveen

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ghosts!!!.... I mean of the Past!!!

Well, I am surprising myself with another post in a matter of a week... I guess getting carried away with all the comments and appreciation.. given to me strictly by force...

After the last post on cheating and forgiving... I thought I had made my point and had nothing more to say on this topic... till someone I know asked me what about trusting and forgetting....

My blog is all about my views and what I believe in and actually implement in my life... writing and commenting on trusting would be... preaching and not practising...

Just have to make a point... that if we trust someone, lets trust till the end whatever the results maybe.. in the end either we will have a great relation or a even greater lesson... and I have a Ph. D in learning amazing lessons...

So back to the Questions... Can we ever forget even if we have forgiven???

Or in my case..

Can we ever really forget someone if we haven’t forgiven them???

When a relationship ends do we ever get rid of the ghosts of the pasts or are we forever haunted by the spirits of the past relationships....

Mumbai is definitely haunted.. ex lovers, old friends... anyone you have unresolved issues with you are bound to bump into over and over again.. until you resolve your issues...

No matter how fast you travel or you run from it can you ever escape your past?? It is difficult to forget our disappointments and people who let us down.. and I mean anyone, what I have learnt and experienced is that..... We have to let go of our past to truly move forward...

I sometimes wonder about the tense relationship, and by that I mean a relationship and its connection to the past, present and future tense........

At a certain age we’ve all had relationships that are far from past perfect. But how much does that past relationship affect our dreams of future perfect??

And as I keep thinking.. ....I can’t help but wonder can you get to a future if your past is present........ (If I am stuck on my last boyfriend, my last job, my last friend...my last oversize store..which shut btw... can I ever really move on???)

Of all the relationships where there is a breakup... like.. love, friendship, work ... the most difficult one to move on from is love.... and forgetting would really come by moving on...

How does one move on....really tricky...

Some get into the next relation... generally called a rebound.. which always screws the other over and under!!!!

Some prefer sulking and dying in depression... or the exact opposite being aggressive negative and difficult to live with....

Some rationalize and think they are taking the high road and prefer being friends with an EX.... (I am not included in these some BTW)

Thinking of the EX factor.. In mathematics... X stands for the unknown... and A+B = X... but what is really unknown to me is what plus what equals to friendship with an “X”

Is this an unsolvable equation... or is it possible to transform a once passionate love, into something that fits nice and easily on the friendship shelf..
Can you really be friends with an EX???

My answer is NO...

I have met those couples who stay friends and I really wonder how do they do that... I belive that being my friend is a big bonus in the relationship and if the person doesn’t want the relationship.. He or she doesn’t even deserve my friendship.. there has to be some punishment for breaking up with me... So I hold my friendship as a punishment

I would love to be one of those people who say to their Ex “ we loved, thank you.. you enriched my life now go prosper”... But I am much more the person who would rather say... “I loved you so much and now I have the deep desire for you to suffer intense pain...and because we didn’t work out, you need to not exist”

I believe that relationships are like cotour, if it doesn’t fit perfectly... its a disaster... but to think of it, its so childish, this whole situation about me being unable to be friends with an EX... I keep dresses which I will never wear again... and I still throw away my old relationships...

I Cant help but wonder... If you love someone and you break up... where does the love go?????

I guess it goes to the next GF / BF.... (You see them happy... And I guess then it sinks in..... “they are happy and we are OVER”

The reality is letting go or forgetting is never easy if you truly loved..... but there is really no harm in trying....

Because in life... people die.. computers crash... relationships fall apart...

We just need to breathe and reboot!!!

As for me... I don’t want to rush into falling in love.....when people ask me why am I single.. I just tell them, I am still Choosing.......

Cheers
Parveen