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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Yes….. No….. I don’t Know!

Long long ago, there was a place called crazy land, beautiful angels lived there. These angels helped people reach their destination. They just loved and enjoyed their time in crazy land, there was just a small problem.....the angels talked too much and ate too much... every opportunity they had to eat or to talk,, they would just start, without any fear of the consequences…, which frequently landed them into trouble… Untill the day they got an ultimatum from the neighbours who lived in boringville, to shut the fuck up.. or get out of crazy land (unfortunately the way to crazy land was through boringville!!!)

The angels were heart broken... how could they even think of not talking... and one fine day they discovered these three magical words...

YES.... NO... I DONT KNOW....

If some of you are wondering what’s this all about... don’t rack your brains..... It’s only for the angels... and they are laughing right now...

Now back to what this should have originally been...

My view on Yes... No... I don’t know

It is a common know fact and a very popular saying that life is full of choices, you have options for everything.... Food, clothes, house, jobs, friends , love etc....

So I thought.. and like every normal human... I kept making these choices (few in some, many in some)...

The most obvious one being FOOD.. those who know me will know why!!

Clothes – the choice of food pretty much screwed and narrowed the choice of clothes... but occasionally I do try to Experiment and miserably fail.. those who have seen me on Saturday nights will know how!!

House: didn’t have much choice here.. now have 4... my house, mom’s house, bro’s house... and the place where I stay the most... WORKPLACE!! Which btw influences almost all the choices…

Jobs... in my case Job... let me not say much... those who know me ... will be laughing already.....

Friends – have always made the right choice and have some lovely people who I feel priveledged to call my close friends... (I think I make the best choice in friends)

But ironically the best one I had... decided to choose someone else...

Love – no problem here at all... I don’t choose... they choose me... and then misuse me (oh! Its rhymes) On a serious note..... I no more venture here!! I suck at it!!

Personally for me making a choice has always been a nightmare... however flexible and spontaneous I am.. or I believe I am... making a choice has never been easy... and the biggest reason is I hate change (I better accept this now).. and nothing wrong in that.. most people resist change and I am no different...

The difficulty is not dealing with my choice after its made (I am too stubborn and fiercely guard my choices) My major issue is to deal with the time before and during making my choice!!!

The above was the case till I discovered the 3 magic words...

YES.. NO... I DONT KNOW..

If we really think about it ..... these can actually make choosing so easy... Only if we could just answer Yes / No / I don’t know.....our life would be less complicated, so simple... and we would be happy and at peace!!!

Our conscience would not prick so much as, instead of finding faults with people or giving an excuse to cheat...We could just say, “YES.... this is not working”.

We would not be addicted to substance or anything for that matter... if we had the courage to say NO!!

We wouldn’t lie or feel ashamed if we just said, “I don’t know”

These words are so simple.....yet so powerful!!!

So why can’t we muster up the courage..... and use... these 3 words.....which when added to any sentence make things so clear and easy to understand... for example...

Yes!! I love you

No! I can’t do this / can’t change for you

I don’t know .... give me sometime... or explain!!

And you don’t always have to use them in a sentence... they say a lot even when said alone...
NO
I DONT KNOW
YES !! YES!! YES!!! (Would sound so much better verbally!!!)


As for me... using these 3 words...

Helps me...
Save some money.... only the angels know how!!

Pushes me to my limits...
Yes, I will get this done.... will snap out of it!!
No, I wont give up..
I don’t know now... but will find out soon...

Lands me in Trouble
Yes you are gay
No, I am not
I don’t know how to get out of this!!

Makes me sad
Yes, I miss you
No, I will not make the first move
I don’t know why this is taking so much time!

Keeps me confused!!!
Yes, I want a partner!! (5 out of 7 days)
NO, I don’t want to get married!!
I Don’t know WHY !!!

And makes me happy!!!
Yes, I accept myself as I am
No, I won’t give up on Hope!!
I don’t know , why certain things happen to me...
But I know for sure... God will take care of me always!!

As for crazy land ... it’s still as crazy as it was... just that the angels have become wise.... and now they follow the golden rule....

WHEN THE CAT IS AWAY.... THE MICE WILL STRAY!!!

Love always

P.S
Yes, people will comment
No, issues even if they didn’t
I don’t know, why I force people to comment on my post????




Monday, April 26, 2010

The S Syndrome

I am a 30’s something girl single, independent, successful, happy. Life is fun, I can do what I want, live life the way I wish to... and the song “it’s a beautiful life” fits my life almost perfectly!!!

SO I THOUGHT... until I realised I was hit by the S syndrome...here goes how...

I joined a class recently... following are some excerpts from my conversation with my counsellor.

Counsellor: Tell me about your family?

Me: mom, dad, 3 brothers, 2 bhabhi’s, 3 nephews, 2 nieces, 1 cat & 1 dog.

Counsellor: I meant, who do you live with?

Me: my younger bro and Bhabhi..

Counsellor: (irritated and looking at me as if I am a fool, not understanding his question)

Me: (confused) I live with my younger brother and his wife..

Counsellor: (now visibly angry) your family.. I mean your husband and children...

Me: Oh, I am not married...

Counsellor: (shocked and at same time feeling sorry) Oh, so you are single, this class will surely help you...

Me: (in trance.. just hit by the S syndrome)

Not to forget the SINGLE written in bold on my form...

I generally feel that anywhere I go, I am the only single person there.. or maybe I am the only single person anywhere.. And I hate when I get that “Don’t worry you will find someone “look..

It’s said, for a women who is above 30, It’s easier to get hit by a terrorist bullet then finding a life partner.... Society views single people my age sad and pathetic.
But to think of it, just because someone doesn’t perform the way you want them to.. Doesn’t mean you should give up on them.

Anyway, there are many times that people look at me as if being single is a bigger curse than anything else in the world.... In recent times, I haven’t come across one normal reaction to my relationship status... and when I don’t want this Judgement hanging over my head I go on the offensive and make jokes.. and most of the time.. the joke is on me!!

Jokes apart...I am going to be 35, and I am alone.. the more I sat there.. the more it hit me.. I HATE myself for saying this....... But it feels really sad not to have a man in my life, who cares about me. There is no special guy to wish me happy birthday, no god dam soul mate (And I don’t even know, if I believe in the concept anymore)

Coming back to this S syndrome (if you’ve still haven’t figured out what S stands for, you are surely not single!!)

To make matters worse.... The S syndrome just affects the female gender... Coz, if men are single for long, they are generally perceived as waiting to get settled and then take up the responsibility..
Whereas women, as soon as they reach 21 .. are perceived to be all settled and ready to jump into a relation..

And it’s not only in terms of marriage......It also has to do with making babies.. Charlie Chaplin had a baby when he was 73... He didn’t have the ability to lift the baby but he could still produce one..

As for women....... all this global warming has kicked us into early menopause (read end of reproduction, end of life!!!)Time ticks for us... not men!!! Men find it extremely putting off, when women my age ask a man to commit because age is not on their side...

My single status never really worried me so much, and I thought, it should not affect any single girl my age.... coz to be very honest........ how many guys do we really hit it off with and even if we did, relationships don’t last, and if they do, Men die first, so we are back to where we started.

So I wonder, Do I want marriage, perfect honeymoon & babies or do I think I should have marriage, a perfect honeymoon and babies...How do I separate what I could do to what I Should do .. And here’s an alarming thought.. It’s not just societal pressure as I think.. It seems like coming from within.. Why am I shoulding all over myself?

I have a wonderful life, can have almost everything I want...... So should I skip the marriage, honeymoon, kids, anniversaries drama???

I generally don’t like to sugar coat my feelings...... but at the same time I don’t want a sugar free existence

So, I don’t want to skip all the drama, I want to have it all.... wedding, kids, anniversaries....because I thought I was banking on my wonderful life, lovely family, awesome friends... But as it turns out.......... I am just hiding alone......

So what really has stopped me from not being single? I can’t continue blaming my past relationship...... No relationship in the past can be so bad to taint all my future relations. It’s not healthy and absolutely not worth it, to give it so much importance!!!

Why Have I shut myself to even the possibility of a relationship... So what if I have found some really bad ones... It’s of so much worth and such a privilege to grow old with someone, someone who doesn’t drive you up to murder.. someone who doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair..

I need to open myself to this experience again... Things happen in life that you can’t stop but that doesn’t mean that you shut off the world......

This is my life and it’s great, and short, and terrible, and endless... and none of us have come out of it alive.....

So here I am.... I don’t want to be afraid to fall in love and be in a relationship...I will look for the signal... when Life as I know....will change...

Because I believe, that someday, somehow, whatever I’ve prayed for will come true... it may not be in the exact package I wanted, but it will be what god thinks is best for me......

And Sooner or later I will find someone who will choose.......

Feelings over logic

Principles over polish

Values over money

Soul over looks

Love over lust...

And I know this might be a big gamble..... and I may end up frustrated and more disillusioned...

But, then again there are something’s worth gambling on......

Because I have discovered,

To hit the jackpot in the future you might have to bet on where you are in the present...

Love always...

For now,

Just ......

Miss Parveen Shaikh....

Sunday, April 25, 2010

In the Pursuit of...

Everyone is in the pursuit of something.....

Some in the pursuit of the best business deal... for which they can go to any extent... even having meetings while in flight reaching somewhere...

Some in the pursuit of the perfect figure... for which they can actually just survive on AIR!!

Some in the pursuit of money... put this as a different category.. cause all don’t rely on working or business for money.. some also MARRY!!!

Some in the pursuit of the best holiday.. for which they can drive any travel agent / airline crazy and also dive through the ash clouds.... phew (and some read me.. just plan and talk..)

Some in the pursuit of wanting everyone to like them , want them... these can go to any extent of pain (hidden) to make it happen...

Some in the pursuit of making their sweetheart smile.. even if it is travelling 3 hours to spend 20 minutes at the station.... or in my case travel to a different country and end up getting my heart broken!!!

Well there are too many pursuits to mention... I’ll just stick to mine...

I am in the pursuit of the following,

A) The perfect weight loss plan... where I want to challenge all the professionals in the world... make me plan where I eat whatever I want in whatever amount I want... do no exercise.. and still be size 12 (zero is being too ambitious, 20 to 12 is good enough, then i will get my size in any apparel store I walk into.. What’s the big deal in making the obvious weight loss plan, eat healthy exercise and lose weight. The fun is to go crazy with food and no exercise and still lose....

B) My retirement plan.. not only financial (not that I am any closer to having one).. I am in the pursuit of an emotional and a social retirement plan, which does not include a happy ever after relationship.. I need a plan where I have people to depend on for emotional support and social support by which I mean... people to bitch too and some company, to avoid going out alone on a Saturday night!!

C) The final cure for cancer... why the hell can’t a whole bunch of doctors not find a pill with the least amount of pain and bring an end to this horrible disease...

D) The perfect way of saying what I really want to and at the right time... without wasting tones of time figuring out the right words..(And ironically I write!!!)

E) And finally figuring out what I really want???

While putting all this, I realised that my list of pursuits... will always increase and never end.. coz as time changes so do our pursuits and wants. What I wanted yesterday is different than what I want today and what I will want in future.

Sometimes being in the pursuit of various things can make one look as if he / she is not satisfied with what one has in life already.. Which is not a very good feeling to live with...

I guess having a pursuit is not the issue, the issue most of the time we attach the word PERFECT to it. Some may not attach the word “Perfect” but perceive the pursuit to be perfect... which is worst coz then there is no acceptance either.

This perception is the reason why things we already have become pursuits...
I am not saying accept sub standard stuff and not go after what you want... what I mean is ... if we are more accepting and flexible maybe then...

People wouldn’t end lives,

There wouldn’t be so many divorces and breakups,

People would find partners easily,

We might not change so many jobs,

We would not end friendships... ..

We would be just in the pursuit of making things which we already have better and stronger... or we would just let go off things which we can’t do anything about!!

So pursue whatever you want to... but before you go crazy in your pursuit... look around.... you just might find ONE around the corner and the only thing to work on then would be your PERCEPTION!!

BUT The one thing which we all need to be constantly in the pursuit of is ...LOVE... coz whatever the cynical in me says or gets sarcastic about...

Love does make my world go round.. and love can make me

Loose weight (with all the diets and exercise) just to see my lil bro smile..

Love can make me accept and let go of my hurt and make a fresh emotional start....

Love can make me fight cancer and not run away from it....

Love can make me say the words which are the most difficult to say and aceept..
“I am sorry and don’t go away from me”

And with all this love... who really wants anything else in life...

SO I AM AND WILL BE IN THE PURSUIT OF LOVE!!!

And also in the pursuit of a post that anyone who reads.... comments.......
(Now if this is not a clue.. what is?? )

Happy commenting!!!

and incase I dont comment back... I might be busy pusuing LOVE!!

cheers
Parveen

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ghosts!!!.... I mean of the Past!!!

Well, I am surprising myself with another post in a matter of a week... I guess getting carried away with all the comments and appreciation.. given to me strictly by force...

After the last post on cheating and forgiving... I thought I had made my point and had nothing more to say on this topic... till someone I know asked me what about trusting and forgetting....

My blog is all about my views and what I believe in and actually implement in my life... writing and commenting on trusting would be... preaching and not practising...

Just have to make a point... that if we trust someone, lets trust till the end whatever the results maybe.. in the end either we will have a great relation or a even greater lesson... and I have a Ph. D in learning amazing lessons...

So back to the Questions... Can we ever forget even if we have forgiven???

Or in my case..

Can we ever really forget someone if we haven’t forgiven them???

When a relationship ends do we ever get rid of the ghosts of the pasts or are we forever haunted by the spirits of the past relationships....

Mumbai is definitely haunted.. ex lovers, old friends... anyone you have unresolved issues with you are bound to bump into over and over again.. until you resolve your issues...

No matter how fast you travel or you run from it can you ever escape your past?? It is difficult to forget our disappointments and people who let us down.. and I mean anyone, what I have learnt and experienced is that..... We have to let go of our past to truly move forward...

I sometimes wonder about the tense relationship, and by that I mean a relationship and its connection to the past, present and future tense........

At a certain age we’ve all had relationships that are far from past perfect. But how much does that past relationship affect our dreams of future perfect??

And as I keep thinking.. ....I can’t help but wonder can you get to a future if your past is present........ (If I am stuck on my last boyfriend, my last job, my last friend...my last oversize store..which shut btw... can I ever really move on???)

Of all the relationships where there is a breakup... like.. love, friendship, work ... the most difficult one to move on from is love.... and forgetting would really come by moving on...

How does one move on....really tricky...

Some get into the next relation... generally called a rebound.. which always screws the other over and under!!!!

Some prefer sulking and dying in depression... or the exact opposite being aggressive negative and difficult to live with....

Some rationalize and think they are taking the high road and prefer being friends with an EX.... (I am not included in these some BTW)

Thinking of the EX factor.. In mathematics... X stands for the unknown... and A+B = X... but what is really unknown to me is what plus what equals to friendship with an “X”

Is this an unsolvable equation... or is it possible to transform a once passionate love, into something that fits nice and easily on the friendship shelf..
Can you really be friends with an EX???

My answer is NO...

I have met those couples who stay friends and I really wonder how do they do that... I belive that being my friend is a big bonus in the relationship and if the person doesn’t want the relationship.. He or she doesn’t even deserve my friendship.. there has to be some punishment for breaking up with me... So I hold my friendship as a punishment

I would love to be one of those people who say to their Ex “ we loved, thank you.. you enriched my life now go prosper”... But I am much more the person who would rather say... “I loved you so much and now I have the deep desire for you to suffer intense pain...and because we didn’t work out, you need to not exist”

I believe that relationships are like cotour, if it doesn’t fit perfectly... its a disaster... but to think of it, its so childish, this whole situation about me being unable to be friends with an EX... I keep dresses which I will never wear again... and I still throw away my old relationships...

I Cant help but wonder... If you love someone and you break up... where does the love go?????

I guess it goes to the next GF / BF.... (You see them happy... And I guess then it sinks in..... “they are happy and we are OVER”

The reality is letting go or forgetting is never easy if you truly loved..... but there is really no harm in trying....

Because in life... people die.. computers crash... relationships fall apart...

We just need to breathe and reboot!!!

As for me... I don’t want to rush into falling in love.....when people ask me why am I single.. I just tell them, I am still Choosing.......

Cheers
Parveen

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Emotional Atyaachaar!!!

Well with all the time available to me..(I hope u guys smell sarcasm) I managed to see this program on some channel.... called emotional atyaachaar.... its about spying (or loyalty test as they call it) if you suspect your GF or BF to cheat, you can ask these channel people to do a sting operation and find out how faithful your partner is...
And every time I watch it, the one who is being cheated goes through the worst of atyaachaar... contrary to the promotional campaign of the program which says “ Save yourself from Emotional atyaachaar”

And I wonder How such a program can get high TRP’s ??? are we all looking out for cheap thrills like these!!!. Are the ones who want to find out the faithfulness of their partners sadist... or Are we all Masochist !!! entertainment at the cost of someone else's HEARTACHE!!!

Look at the Tiger Woods’ and the football player controversy. Who are we to judge them??. Tiger Woods recently apologised on TV for his behaviour... and that’s a sign of a good human being.. coz to err is human... He let his wife down, was unfaithful... now it’s their business whether they want to make their marriage work or end it... who are we really to judge.. why cant we separate the person from the behaviour... well easy said than done..

Well, I don’t want to get into this... What I am trying to understand is ..................

Why do people cheat??

And if they have cheated, can we forgive???

Question A:

In a gravity free world... where anything goes... what constitutes cheating???
Lets see,

Men cheat, for the same reason as dogs lick their balls... because they can; it’s a part of their biology...

Not to forget women cheat to (I would say more than men) there is no biological reason really.. though some people think that women who cheat are completely different than men... as they don’t go randomly attacking every man they think they are attracted too... because apparently women are not driven by testosterone, they are driven by emotions.. or hormones!!

Anyway instead of wasting all that energy, condemning the cheaters (men / women) maybe it’s time we all get in line with the reality of the situation...

People have different definitions’ and reactions to cheating...

Some can’t tolerate

Some are blind...

Some are forgiving (or maybe insecure, that maybe they won’t find anyone else)

And some are more realistic about human nature.. (mostly these are the ones who cheat..)

And I just don’t think you can define cheating in the absolute term... According to me there’s a cheating curve. Someone’s definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how they themselves want to cheat... maybe it is moral relativism or maybe quantum cheating... Einstein just got into me for a second!!)

The fact is the act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught, one does not exist without the other...

So according to me don’t cheat and if you cheat... don’t get caught... be smart!!! Because cynically speaking in a city like Mumbai with infinite options and possibilities... maybe monogamy has become too much to expect!!! (and I don’t just mean in love.. in all relationships .. friendships... designers.. favourite food joints, we don’t stick to one.. one way or the other we all cheat!!)

And also how many of us, actually look at the other side of the story... .. condemning is easy.. finding out what made the person stray takes effort... and for me finding out how, and what made my partner cheat is worth the effort... even if it turned out that he was AN ASSHOLE WITH A ROVING EYE!!!

Question B

Can we forgive? Is it really possible to forgive?

Well personal experience says... not easy at all... one of the most difficult things to do.. even more difficult than giving up chocolate..

Forgiving depends a lot upon how much pain or suffering can you really take in a relationship....

Practically speaking, most of the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusions... and one of the biggest delusions or beliefs is that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having...

In love relationships there is a fine line between pleasure and pain... to some pain implies growth, but how do we know when the growing pain stops and the pains pain takes over!!

So when do we know the tipping point... are we masochist or optimist?? that we still continue to walk the thin line of pleasure or pain.. When it comes to relationships how do we know when enough is enough!!!

And why do we believe that a relationship has to be really difficult to work!!

And I haven’t still figured out an answer to this question... I really don’t know... maybe beause I haven’t really forgiven anyone who has broken my heart or my trust....

After 2 long pages of rambling on with loads of confused questions and really no answers ... what I am trying to say is ...

Life is too short, and it keeps changing... so the people who we love and who then cheat on us for another lover or new friends.. have just changed to someone totally different and that’s really not cheating.. its going with flow and being adaptable to their changing priorities!!!

As for forgiving.....I know its not easy, but it sounds better and feels good if instead of FORGIVING SOMEONE (and making them feel like shit) WE JUST ACCEPT THEM FOR WHO THEY HAVE BECOME......

And I really feel, it’s totally worth the effort, which I will find out soon... coz I HAVE DECIEDED THAT I AM GOING TO ACCEPT ALL THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE FOR WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY HAVE CHANGED TOO... (Specially one of the most important person in my life, who I really miss)

Because in a city of infinite options and possibilities ..... sometimes it really feels good and less stressful to know that you have only one!!

Dedicated to all who are contemplating to forgive.... or even CHEAT!!!

love
Parveen

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Valentine's Day..

So its official I am a diehard romantic, nothing but valentine’s day has made me overcome my writers block .... (and also the fact that I finally got some me time today)

Valentine’s day, will be fun this year without the stress of the Thackerays wanting to disrupt the lovers!!! And if you guys are wondering why and also not following the news... the SS must be really exhausted with all the brickbats on the MNIK issue.... and if they do something to disrupt V day then Mr. Thackeray really needs to ... GET A LIFE!!!

So what the hell is the thing with Valentine ’s Day.... some love it, some hate it and some of us (read me are actually confused???). One thing for sure........Whatever it is you JUST CANT IGNORE IT!!!

My family forces me to think of issues I rather ignore... here goes..

My nephew who is in the 1st standard by the way, asked me what am I doing on THE DAY!! And My niece who is 17 with her group of friends, asked me for some tips for Valentine’s Day.

Apparently, If you stay single long enough, you’re supposed to get wiser about love and dating... what kind of guy to pick.. where to go for a date, the right things to say etc etc. But what really made me the expert... Isn’t my single status a SIGN that I couldn’t get it RIGHT!!!

And I can’t stop thinking, that what if all these years of getting older and celebrating valentine’s day has made me more confused???

Am I getting OLDER... not WISER?? (And I mean in love)

What the hell have I been doing all these years, on Valentine’s Day, it’s quite shocking to me that, though there have been times, where I have done something nice on V day.
And now when I think of it... I can only remember the planning done prior and the cribbing done later!!!

Talk about being ungrateful.... no wonder no valentine’s day from the last 2 years and the next 100 years to come...

I guess I am still in the cynical zone...

YET.....I don’t want to lose the ability to BELIEVE....in Love!!

Anyway I feel for some people love is not enough, they need other people to acknowledge their love to feel in love... hence Valentine’s day, which had a historical significance has become such a big stress on some people... really. Everyone is talking about it / against it.. Go to a nearby archies store and you’ll find out...

Valentine’s day has become a day of Labelling... others labelling us or we labelling ourselves

SINGLE people (feeling more single than any other day... even the ones who want to mingle, hope that they had mingled with one person!!!)

New lovers (it’s my first valentine, what do I do special for him / her)

Old Lovers (I have done everything under the sun and moon, what MORE????)

Married people (expense again... Why do both of them believe in Valentine’s Day .. wife and GF)

Teens (who want all the wisdom from us)

And why is that, in this day and age .. we are willing to rewrite our destiny.... but not our own rules... When we label people as single, married, engaged, committed.... why do we forget to look past the label .......to the person.... for who they are ???

Valentine’s day doesn’t need to be a big stress / or something we want to ignore, get cynical about... or get labelled!!!

So on this valentine.... let’s dress head to toe in LOVE... the one label which never goes out of fashion....

As for love... love is just love.. one of the basic emotions... its natural not conditional... it runs on auto pilot.. with or without Mr. Valentine in the cockpit....

As for me...

I am happy giving advice to my niece and not worrying about love....
Love will not run out ... even if I don’t have a Valentine...

Because someone once told me....

It’s good to remember ... LOVE IS POSSIBLE...ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE .... THIS IS MUMBAI!!!

And MY NAME IS SHAIKH!!!!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

ZOOPLAH ZANG!!!

This is not a recent thought had written this down on my way back from Chennai, where I had gone for work and attended a wedding accidentally.

Weddings bring a lot of memories for everyone.....
Happy for some, sad for some... smile for some , a tear for some... regret for some, relief for some..

I have always been the hopeless romantic, always trusting and hopeful about love AND the good in people..... Even if I am not optimistic about other things, I have been the most optimistic about LOVE!!

I believe... if you love, then love with all the ZOOPLAH ZANG!!!....... Otherwise just call it lust, need, societal pressure... WHATEVER... BUT DEFINATELY NOT LOVE!

Anyway so I attended a wedding of a couple, a very odd one, I have ever come across.. I knew them as individuals and never imagined they would hook up...... and no matter how much I wanted to be happy for them......The cynic in me kept saying.... wwhhaattt were they thinking???
WHY ARE THESE TWO GETTING MARRIED TO EACH OTHER, when they have the option to be happy!! Is this a big love facade... but why do they need these facades????

We are all adults, we can handle things... she can say I am getting old and need companionship and he can say I can’t get Hot Guys (oops girls) anymore

But why print information on wedding cards and call it LOVE (Because love transforms people and changes lives and molecules and ORIENTATIONS........and all the bullshit)

Let’s say, they are getting married because of Companionship... but how do you sustain a relationship just on companionship and a comfort zone????

What is a relationship without the butterflies and the passion, the chemistry????? And all the ZOOPLAH ZANG, which happens when you not only love the person but also you also want to have them!!!

Doesn’t this Zooplah Zang... get you through the years when all the love fades away.. atleast you have the memories and they are enough to get you through your life happily together......

What does it take for a relationship to work ‘Till death do us apart’? No wonder most singles have more long term success with friends, so maybe it’s a better strategy to marry a friend.

But there are some of us, who don’t have the feeling of ZOOPLAH ZANG with a friend and if we still go ahead with the relationship only based on the companionship and the comfort zone, What happens after some years???? do we continue with the same feeling???? and then what distinguishes this companionship from your many other companions???

What is a relationship without the ZOOPLAH ZANG... can such a relation be a happily ever after one or will it end up in one of the other looking for love, companionship and sex outside (and I am not being cynical, the millions of extra marital affairs are a proof of this)

Or are all the people who don’t wait for the ZOOPLAH ZANG kind of love and marry just for companionship, societal pressure, fear of loneliness etc....... Are these people being pessimistic about love and settling for less????
Or are they justified, because maybe it’s not even advisable to be OPTIMISTIC after the age of 30, maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily like moisturiser.

The optimistic / hopeful in me wonders, what happens when reality batters your belief system and LOVE does not, as promised conquer all!! How do we bounce back... do we still keep hoping OR is hope a drug we need to go off on OR is it required to keep us alive?????

So, what’s the harm in believing????

As for me....... I am someone who is looking out for love... real love... ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, “can’t live without each other” love... “crazy for each other” love...The love with all the ZOOPLAH ZANG!!! And all the butterflies!!!

My recent cynicism has still not (thankfully) killed the romantic in me!!!!

So, whenever I attend such weddings and see couples who are in a relationship...... without the ZOOPLAH ZANG...

I can’t help but wonder...

That when it comes to relationships... (The happily ever after kinds)

Some have settled down...

Some are settling in...

And some people refuse to settle for anything less... but Butterflies!!!!

Smiles 

Parveen

Sunday, January 17, 2010

OXYMORON!!!

Sorry for the break... was very busy..... work, mom, and the obvious...no time!!!

Also I always wondered why authors take years to finish their books??
Now I understand, if I can take such a long time to select a topic for my new post and then write something... GOD BLESS the writers!!!

P.S – Idli.. I am not a soda bottle.... and dint go phus... and I am pretty serious about blogging..

Anyway.. I got a mail on Oxymoron’s, which got me thinking... (Sorry Manny, I’ll only think when I blog..... otherwise I promised u already I won’t.....mwuah!!!)

For people who didn’t score well in English... it’s a figure of speech, which is a combination of two words that are opposite in meaning. For example, GOOD GRIEF, EXACT ESTIMATE and so on...

So, when I started thinking about oxymorons. It suddenly dawned to me.....MY life is all about the oxymoron’s...

It was actually very interesting to think about it....

And it’s not only me... everyone around me seems a little Oxymoronic.....
With all the FREE GIFT VOUCHERS, AGREE TO DIASAGREE fundas.. and of course the ADULT MALES / FEMALES who’ll be reading this post and voluntarily and sometimes forcefully commenting...

OXY’S are here to stay... actually they are a inseparable part of our lives and our vocabulary...

I am almost done / almost ready... (When generally we are not even close)

I’ll act naturally... (When everything is all about the ACTING)

Oh this is awfully nice / pretty / good (when most of the time the intensity of saying AWFULLY is directly proportional to the feeling of jealousy which ones has for not having those AWFULLY nice things.. or being AWFULLY pretty or good)
Don’t tell me (when you will do anything just to know)

You’re a BUTTHEAD!!!

Big sip, Big baby, bad health, active retirement, brief speech, amicable divorce, and so on...

There are many more of such oxymoron’s which we use in our daily life... but according to me the most influential one... is A LITTLE MORE!!!

A little more Ice-cream / chocolate / bourbon biscuits (and all the problems of weight began from here)

A little more PERCENTAGE (that was usually my teachers, I never really cared)

A little more time on the phone / time out with friends / time beyond the deadline

A little more time to submit my projects (I never gave ONE on TIME)

A little more Pay package (well, I care a lot about that)

And the classic.. a little more attention / LOVE / CARE... BLAH BLAH..

Wanting a little more and ignoring the MUCH MORE in our lives...

And ironically... when we look beyond this “much more”.. And almost let it go... then that much more becomes “ wanting a little more”

Just the other day when I was with mom and my kid brother...I wanted a LITTLE MORE time with them, yet I had to go to work... And when I used to have the MUCH More time... and I don’t know what the hell I did then..

When we say we want a little more or I am almost there, I am alone in a crowd, we are alone together ...... are we saying that THIS IS WANT I WANT COZ I DONT HAVE ENOUGH..... or I AM NOT HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE... or .. I JUST DON’T HAVE IT????

In my view People don’t say or they hide certain things from most of their close ones is because they don’t like the way it sounds..

I want you to understand me / love me / care for me a Little MORE.. sounds much better than, and is much safer to say, than.... I want you to love me / understand me / care for me (because I think you don’t)

I can’t help but wonder.. Is an oxymoron a Denial of something which we don’t have? Or just something which we don’t have enough...

And If denial keeps us away from all the fear and the pain and the discomfort then what’s the harm in denying???

Maybe the reality is we need Denial!!!!!!!!!!!!

And we need the OXYMORON”S TOO.....

Specially my favourite one... “LITTLE MORE”

Because... I can’t DENY the fact that God loves me A LITTLE MORE......than I think he does!!!

THANK GOD!!!!

Love,
Parveen!!!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Live While you are ALIVE...

LIVE WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE!!!

When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “compared to what?”

I was trying to figure out, why certain things are harder for me to get than for many other people I know.. Things like weight management, marriage management, finance management and I can really go on...

Is it because of my upbringing, family background, twisted thinking ???

I always wished... I was thinner, I was braver or just simply happier.. and sometimes I actually believed that its useless to dream because nothing ever changes...

And when I actually sat down with these thoughts on life... I realised.. I am the one who is RESPONSIBLE for all these “Certain Things” not to happen.. because when they do happen I SIMPLY DONT ENJOY THEM....

What I do is, whenever I get what I want.....

I worry about how it will turn out, how will I manage????

I don’t appreciate it, coz it’s little too late (when I don’t get them on the time I wanted)

I am not happy because it’s not packaged well....

And the above thoughts are so overpowering that I lose the feeling of happiness, contentment, peace... which I can actually feel after achieving or simply getting what I wanted... and this has been an issue... since I got my first Barbie... so rather than being happy and enjoying it... I was paranoid that my brothers.. will tear her clothes off.. lol

And the same fear continued, when I got my tenth results (will I get admission in a good college??)... my last relationship (is he the right guy, will this really last??).... my current job (how will I keep up with all these expectations??) my blog (am I sharing too much??)

So instead of enjoying the moment / experience and living my life.. .. I was worried about what will happen... I was afraid of failure.. or I just wasn’t satisfied... and crushed by self expectation and perception of others expectation and blah blah...

Because in all this twisted mind screwing processes....

I forgot ...
Failure in life is inevitable... It is impossible to live without failing. Unless you live so cautiously, (without talking any risks, being resistant to change, living in your own protective shell) which is actually not living AT ALL!!!...and then YOU FAIL BY DEFAULT....

I forgot
That fear offers you .. a chance to surprise yourself.. to discover something about yourself you didn’t know you had...

I forgot
That the great thing about humans is that they change....

I forgot
That if I can get up everyday, stay optimistic and believe the future is better, I can go a long way.....

I forgot
To stay in touch with my feelings and experience them they way they are ...

I forgot
To love myself ....

I forgot
To STOP and not THINK!!

And most importantly I forgot
You start living when you are born... but UR ALIVE... when you LIVE....

Cheers!!
Parveen

Saturday, January 2, 2010

On Breakups!!!

Happy new year, to all of u...
Wish you loads of luck, love and happiness...

I know it’s not very positive to start the year with a post on a break ups.. I am doing it because something which happened very recently took me back to one of my most painful times of life... and for me blogging is about expressing what I feel, irrespective of the time of the year.. start or end.. doesn’t really matter...

And just for the record.. I wrote this sometime back... uploading it now with some additions and ofcourse, my DISCOVERY about the phenomena BREAK UP..

Everyone goes through atleast one.. because break up doesn’t always mean.. break up of a love relationship with a man / woman..

For it means

Breaking up with yourself (When u don’t forgive yourself)

Breaking up with your family (When u don’t give in to their expectations)

Breaking up with your friends (When they make new ones and move on)

Breaking up with your Boss (when u switch your job!!)

Breaking up with life (when it doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to be...)

I went through all of the above at some point of my life and dealt with it... I also went through a horrible relationship break up with a man sometime back.. and the following is a brief summary of my thought s, my feelings then and now...

Breakups..

There is not anything awful, terrible and horrible in the universe, including rejection by someone for whom I care. There are only serious inconveniencies and frustration, which I’ll never like but which I can definitely stand. – ELLIS

When I am attracted to a person, who I know isn’t good for me, this is how I rationalize. Because I am hoping I am wrong about this person. Every time he does something to tell me he is NO GOOD, I ignore it..... and every time he comes through and surprises me, he wins me over and then I lose the argument with myself that he is not for me... and on top of that, there’s the old eternal standby, “ I can’t believe a guy like that, will fall for a girl like me”.

When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible... and I wanted my life to begin.. I didn’t hallucinate.. I had (was given) concrete reasons to feel like I what I felt.. I thought I had found someone who loved me for the way I am..

It turned out that he wasn’t in love with me like I thought...All the time, I felt he was behaving like a typical man and didn’t want to marry me... but the truth is that he didn’t want to marry me...

The feeling of being with someone for such a long time (on a big FACADE).. And then getting dumped for no real reason at all... I know that feeling, and it’s horrible (it still gives me that churn in my stomach and my heart still aches) eeoohhhh

And no matter how small, insignificant as humanly possible it may be now... I can never forget that how it can actually, physically ache at places, I didn’t even know I had inside me... And no matter how many haircuts I got or gyms I joined and how many shots of tequila I had with my friends.. I still went to bed every night, going over every detail and wondering what I did wrong and how I could have misunderstood when I am pathologically programmed and trained to scrutinize and analyze everything!!!

How the hell, for that brief moment (almost 5 years) I could think, I was that happy???

It happened, just like that there isn’t anything, anyone could do, there was no reason.. the question which kept coming in my mind was, am I that challenging to be with .. do I drive people away??? and it drove me crazy. Most of the times I thought I JUST WASNT ENOUGH!!

And then I thought and was made to think that it’s DESTINY... But isn’t destiny, something we have invented because we can’t stand the fact that everything that happened is ACCIDENTAL!! (More on destiny in another post, there’s too much to ponder on that)

My friends, family kept saying that it’s life... change happens and CHANGE IS GOOD!! But all that they are saying, that something that you did not want to happen at all, has happened.. and you have no choice but face it... and I was facing every single second.. looking tough in the outside and miserable inside..

I was heartbroken, it felt as if a part of me had died... and no one could ever make it right...

I was afraid that if he didn’t come back... I’ll hurt so much and that I’ll shrivel up..and never be able to love someone else ever again...

But I did, fall in love ... and this time it was for real... with an amazing person... who would never lie to me, Never ditch me at a time when I was in need of a lot of support.. and the most important thing is, this person will love me for who I AM!! And before you guys start wondering and some start getting jealous and some sigh, “there she goes again” THAT PERSON IS ME!!!

All these years I have searched for someone else.. who i thought would complete me... and all that love jazz... But the thing which I kept forgetting is rather than finding someone who’ll complete me and think of him as my saviour I rather have someone who accepts my incompleteness and I accept his..

The silver lining was, during all the pain and tears and problems and heartache (which, really looks small now... but for me I guess all that was like eternity) The innate hopeful in me, I always believed /hoped that I will go somewhere new.. and I will meet people who’ll make me feel worthwhile again... and the little pieces of my soul which were ripped off so badly, will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of my life that I wasted will eventually begin to fade...

So, My Discovery about breakups...

For me Breakups are more like a HEARTBREAK .. Maybe even a HEARTBRAKE, which shakes your every core.....

If you're living life to the fullest, you're going to experience breakups/ heartbreaks / heart aches. Sometimes you're leaving, sometimes you're left, and no matter how it happened, the loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache. But no matter who did the leaving you are the one who will get yourself out of it. And really it’s OK to cry... I thought I had used up all my tears up.. Surprisingly they still come out occasionally for entirely different reasons altogether.

On a serious note, Breakups are awful, they are private, and they are not necessarily symptomatic of what two people had together.... and there is always the other side of the story.

In my case , moral of this BREAK UP...
GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH!!!

And I want all my friends who have read this, and who are feeling sad for what I went through and some who want to kill him.... Yeah .. GO AHEAD (I tried taking the high road.. ....... just could make myself go there.. the meaner one lured me ;) LOL)

Happy Loving ... happy 2010

Cheers
Paro!!!