Thursday, July 7, 2011

The decade that was....

I know it’s a little late in the year to contemplate over and talk about what happened in the last decade.. But as they say... better late than never...

At the beginning of the decade, I wanted to take a step back and ponder on the decade that was... the most happening decade of my life... The decade of many wonderful beginnings and traumatic ends!!!

And I guess not only for me... for many others like me, around me... the decade gone by has been special / different in some way or the other for everyone... and think about it.. it has to be..... because by default atleast a couple of significant life events have to happen to a person in a decade..

Events like, End of education, start of work, marriage, children

If one is really lucky and lets others decide for him/her, all of the above 4 events can happen in 10 years!!

If one doesn’t want to contribute to population explosion or just lazy... then 3 out of the 4...

If one (read me) is suffering from inertia, commitment phobia, trust issues, boredom issues, variety issues then 2 out of 4

And if one is born to really rich parents... and / or is also a loser..... one or non out of 4

Well, enough of cynicism.. ..Let’s get to the Decade that was....

When I started writing this post.. I wanted to dwell upon all the significant, life changing events that happened to me in the last ten years...... but then what is gone is gone... and what it left behind are a few life altering realisations, learning’s and deeper understanding of myself ....

My decade started with a new job.. infinite possibilities... discovering my strengths at work... and my first step towards my career goals... and that’s when I learnt that “ things that come quickly into your life are the ones that you believe in the most!” I love my work..... believe in the goodness of what it offers and success just came... I guess god was personally monitoring my progress and blessed me at every step.... for which I am eternally grateful...

I went from losing myself to rediscovering myself... there was a time when, whatever I did or even felt was just to make a few people happy and be with me.. but then I started missing who I used to be and realised that, someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger.. but they will never be ME!

I went from feeling very lonely in a house full of family to feeling loved and cared for even in deserted cancer ward in a big city hospital... that’s when I realised....... The only people who accept you for who you are and love you no matter what...... are the ones who you call family...... and no boyfriend, career, even friends can ever replace that and it’s never too late to make that bond stronger or for that matter even create a bond if there isn’t one already.

I went from drowning in self pity with a badly bruised heart and rock bottom self esteem (the worst of the decade) to the following life altering realisations.....

“There is meaning to my pain if I rise above it”

“In life there are always undesirable things, so in order to feel better; I just need to look at life from a different direction”

“The things or events that have happened to me in life don’t need an answer they just need a grateful heart ... and if I have gratitude I will find peace in everything and everywhere”

And the most important realisation of all, “I need to love myself, to be be amazed by the satisfaction life presents.”

And bam... life just changed...... because that’s the thing about time and realisations.... Sometimes a decade can pass by in an uneventful second with a numb head... and then in just 2 years.... monumental things can happen...

Things that give so much wisdom... wisdom to know that...

Time doesn’t really heal everything automatically.. its what we learn during the given time that heals.... it really does... fixes a broken heart... broken trust... as well as some very stubborn scars and fat deposits!!!

Sometimes even if you are not sure of your direction or lost or wondering what the hell is happening....... you can still find your way to something wonderful because seriously.... If life always waited for us to understand what’s going on..... nothing awesome would ever happen......

It’s not always necessary to use your feelings for everything,.........sometimes you also need to use your brains!!

And now six months down in my next decade... I am here with the confidence and faith that ... the next ten years will be equal (if not more eventful) as my previous one... because I know that, “Faith is the continual demonstration of strength and wonder of life”

I may not be where I need to be... but I thank god I am not where I used to be!!!!

I may not have had all the major events in the last decade (marriage, children) ... the new decade looks promising...

It’s been lucky... we won the world cup.

I finally got my house renovated.

I have made my next career and relationship decision.

I have managed to accept that I am lovable with and without the weight.

So here’s hoping that by the end of the next decade... you would be reading my views in a book (which you would have bought voluntarily because it would be a best seller and winner of many book awards) and some of you who are thinking ... I’ll give you guys a complimentary copy.. dream on!!! :P :P :P

love always


  1. Beautiful..........
    Yes, do agree that it has been one helluva of a decade...... Its been a love and hate 10yrs.... But in the end, Thank Allah for keeping me sane and happy after all that we have gone through..... Cheers to another decade of love, friendship and everything in between.......

  2. Oftentimes we call Life bitter names, but only when we ourselves are bitter and dark. And we deem her empty and unprofitable...

    ...And life is veiled and hidden, even as your greater self is hidden and veiled. Yet when Life speaks, all the winds become words; and when she speaks again, the smiles upon your lips and the tears in your eyes turn also into words. When she sings, the deaf hear and are held; and when she comes walking, the sightless behold her and are amazed and follow her in wonder and astonishment


    10 years parveen , i have been a witness to at least the begining of the change. I wished i had more time to write to you a long story on the decade or at least episodes from it. organise a trip to goa or something next time i'm home , we need to catch up :)

  3. this was so so beautiful parveen, n there were so many things tht i cld relate to...i hv had 1 hellva decade too...u knw the part " but then I started missing who I used to be and realised that, someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger.. but they will never be ME!" this is the trauma n healin tht i m currently goin knw there were so many situations,circumstances whr i realised wt family means n how r thy the MOST IMPORTANT.I JUST FELT U WROTE MY STORY N NOW I M SO HAPPY I M NT THE ONLY 1 :)..THANKU COZ IN THE PROCESS OF DISCOVERING URSELF U DISCOVERED A PART OF ME TOO...THANKU

  4. Shaddu.... Can you even believe it... 10 years have gone by... and we have gone through all one can in every possible way (emotional, social, economical, physical, biological, spiritual)
    and you are right it has been one helluva bumpy, fun and amazing 10 years...
    and you know what" you are my HERO of the decade" Love you so much.... and after many many many more decades.. we will always end up walking in the rain having icecream.. muwah!!

    Idli - yes we really need to catch up.. so once you get free from all your trips (US & UK) plan a trip to INDIA...
    P.S - You were a significant part of my last decade and will remain for the next and the next ... to come!! (hopefully i wont die, you know, I missed my deadline.. I am already 35 alive and kicking!!!!)

    Dinaz - All my discoveries have made me a little more happy, a little more closer to finding myself and accepting myself for who I was and have become..... glad that you relate to it...


  5. id like to discuss all this and more in private !

  6. u knw parveen...the 1st time i met u i came to this instant conclusion....u r full of life,u hv so much warmth, so much love, so much to give without expecting anything in return, the light, warmth, happiness u emit spreads around at a rapid pace.U R TRULY GORGEOUS.....

  7. Hello hello ,

    I got a little time to write something on your blog today. I wish I had more but then again you don’t write too often yourself. But as always, there is always something to say. Just wished I had more time to write them down ,and a more updated blog of yours to write them onto. Passe is the time to write in journals – you’ve read mine – wished I had the chance to read yours ☺
    Where was I ,Yes , my little daily incident . Today it’s a nice person on a flight. Nope , not a dream young pretty babe , one always dreams of having sitting next to one . I have personaly given up having such encounters. Happens only in movies. I’m very happy to have the seat empty or at the most a very quiet person next to me.
    In this flight I had today, I have to admit has been my best encounter in all my years of flying happened today. The person sitting next to me was a middle aged , very pleasant lady. And the conversation with her was pretty nice.Quite long but never uninteresting.
    And a little insight into American way of thinking- She complained a lot about many American ways – being married to a Spanish professor gave her a better perspective , where she could also compare – the health system is wrong ( no one knows how beneficial it is – she gave the example of how her grandfather who was diabetic had had saved money only to live decently till he died , and he had had to go to the main city to receive specialized care – till the year Medicare was put into place – that was under president Johnson’s time I think she mentioned and the grandfather called her to show how he was now being cared for , for free ) , the people are too fat ( and how Michelle Obama is trying to bring up the issue ) , republicans/ politicians are crazy ( they are – they have no concept of the difference between communism and socialism , its all the same for them ) , americans in general are crazy, religion getting into as an issue ( it used to be everyone can practice their religion in peace ) economy – wastage through war where the roads in new york itself was not too good , but amercicans built the most expensive stretch per km in afganistan ). Greed . On how basically people just want to work hard , earn decently till they die – but the joy comes in seeing their kids grow up , achieve things , and watch their grandkids do good too . She has 3 grandchildren. One of which loves horse riding . But in todays world it’s over the board . She has lots of respect for Bill Gates . Poverty in America – the disparities in opportunities, the colour discrimination,
    Books – her husband bought her a kindle . whenever she travelled she would carry a bag full of books to read , so her husband got her one to be lighter on travelling , She hates it . and would like to continue growing her library – a room full with a ladder.
    No don’t get the reading wrong, it was not all that she hates America . She loves it.She cant think of living anywhere else. She’s proudest of the American Universities – being a Spanish teacher herself. She teaches at a small university in Penn . Loves to work with young fresh minds. To travel with them( she takes them to spain to see the place , learn the history ect … )
    And I wont too much disagree with her – having experienced an ivy league uni for a very sort while do love it myself. She was in fact the 3rd person I met in the last few weeks who suggested I stay and do research in the states. A suggestion I’m still fighting against – so wanting to return one day to a place called home.

    The future she says lies with the minds of the young – So much thought of you at that time parveen , you whose doing so much for the young – at national levels at that too .

    Dedicated to an unknown transatlantic flight companion travelling to meet her husband for a cruise up the Rhine River .

  8. Dear Paro Maam,

    Quite a bit of pearls of wisdom in your post. Loved all of them, as they truly show the reality and motivate oneself to keep going with the flow of life.

    Wishing you the best of all things in days to come (and do consider my request for a copy of the bestseller as soon as you write it) ;)


  9. I really wonder how i missed to read this one for such a long time... This one was right from your heart.... And believe me... Coming years are gonna be the most awesome ones ever... which will make your score from 2/4 to 4/4... ;) Luv u lots... :)

  10. Impressed.
    and what most touched me was
    "There is meaning to my pain if I rise above it"
    i have a poor vocabulary to describe it..
    Thought provoking writing.