Monday, April 26, 2010

The S Syndrome

I am a 30’s something girl single, independent, successful, happy. Life is fun, I can do what I want, live life the way I wish to... and the song “it’s a beautiful life” fits my life almost perfectly!!!

SO I THOUGHT... until I realised I was hit by the S goes how...

I joined a class recently... following are some excerpts from my conversation with my counsellor.

Counsellor: Tell me about your family?

Me: mom, dad, 3 brothers, 2 bhabhi’s, 3 nephews, 2 nieces, 1 cat & 1 dog.

Counsellor: I meant, who do you live with?

Me: my younger bro and Bhabhi..

Counsellor: (irritated and looking at me as if I am a fool, not understanding his question)

Me: (confused) I live with my younger brother and his wife..

Counsellor: (now visibly angry) your family.. I mean your husband and children...

Me: Oh, I am not married...

Counsellor: (shocked and at same time feeling sorry) Oh, so you are single, this class will surely help you...

Me: (in trance.. just hit by the S syndrome)

Not to forget the SINGLE written in bold on my form...

I generally feel that anywhere I go, I am the only single person there.. or maybe I am the only single person anywhere.. And I hate when I get that “Don’t worry you will find someone “look..

It’s said, for a women who is above 30, It’s easier to get hit by a terrorist bullet then finding a life partner.... Society views single people my age sad and pathetic.
But to think of it, just because someone doesn’t perform the way you want them to.. Doesn’t mean you should give up on them.

Anyway, there are many times that people look at me as if being single is a bigger curse than anything else in the world.... In recent times, I haven’t come across one normal reaction to my relationship status... and when I don’t want this Judgement hanging over my head I go on the offensive and make jokes.. and most of the time.. the joke is on me!!

Jokes apart...I am going to be 35, and I am alone.. the more I sat there.. the more it hit me.. I HATE myself for saying this....... But it feels really sad not to have a man in my life, who cares about me. There is no special guy to wish me happy birthday, no god dam soul mate (And I don’t even know, if I believe in the concept anymore)

Coming back to this S syndrome (if you’ve still haven’t figured out what S stands for, you are surely not single!!)

To make matters worse.... The S syndrome just affects the female gender... Coz, if men are single for long, they are generally perceived as waiting to get settled and then take up the responsibility..
Whereas women, as soon as they reach 21 .. are perceived to be all settled and ready to jump into a relation..

And it’s not only in terms of marriage......It also has to do with making babies.. Charlie Chaplin had a baby when he was 73... He didn’t have the ability to lift the baby but he could still produce one..

As for women....... all this global warming has kicked us into early menopause (read end of reproduction, end of life!!!)Time ticks for us... not men!!! Men find it extremely putting off, when women my age ask a man to commit because age is not on their side...

My single status never really worried me so much, and I thought, it should not affect any single girl my age.... coz to be very honest........ how many guys do we really hit it off with and even if we did, relationships don’t last, and if they do, Men die first, so we are back to where we started.

So I wonder, Do I want marriage, perfect honeymoon & babies or do I think I should have marriage, a perfect honeymoon and babies...How do I separate what I could do to what I Should do .. And here’s an alarming thought.. It’s not just societal pressure as I think.. It seems like coming from within.. Why am I shoulding all over myself?

I have a wonderful life, can have almost everything I want...... So should I skip the marriage, honeymoon, kids, anniversaries drama???

I generally don’t like to sugar coat my feelings...... but at the same time I don’t want a sugar free existence

So, I don’t want to skip all the drama, I want to have it all.... wedding, kids, anniversaries....because I thought I was banking on my wonderful life, lovely family, awesome friends... But as it turns out.......... I am just hiding alone......

So what really has stopped me from not being single? I can’t continue blaming my past relationship...... No relationship in the past can be so bad to taint all my future relations. It’s not healthy and absolutely not worth it, to give it so much importance!!!

Why Have I shut myself to even the possibility of a relationship... So what if I have found some really bad ones... It’s of so much worth and such a privilege to grow old with someone, someone who doesn’t drive you up to murder.. someone who doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair..

I need to open myself to this experience again... Things happen in life that you can’t stop but that doesn’t mean that you shut off the world......

This is my life and it’s great, and short, and terrible, and endless... and none of us have come out of it alive.....

So here I am.... I don’t want to be afraid to fall in love and be in a relationship...I will look for the signal... when Life as I know....will change...

Because I believe, that someday, somehow, whatever I’ve prayed for will come true... it may not be in the exact package I wanted, but it will be what god thinks is best for me......

And Sooner or later I will find someone who will choose.......

Feelings over logic

Principles over polish

Values over money

Soul over looks

Love over lust...

And I know this might be a big gamble..... and I may end up frustrated and more disillusioned...

But, then again there are something’s worth gambling on......

Because I have discovered,

To hit the jackpot in the future you might have to bet on where you are in the present...

Love always...

For now,

Just ......

Miss Parveen Shaikh....


  1. lol. awesome ! yes to hit the jackpot we have to bet on our present .. but nevertheless ... to feel good as of now ,keep talkin 2 yr married friends to know how lucky u are ... !!

  2. Loved it Paro Truly... and this coming for another SINGLE... Kudos Chica......

    I do strongly believe that GOD is all heart and his righteous will prevail. We will be blessed in more ways than we deserve. So till then let keep the faith baby and in the words of the great Bon Jovi - It's my life
    It's now or never
    I ain't gonna live forever
    I just wanna live while I'm alive

    (It's my life)
    My heart is like an open highway
    Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
    I just wanna live while I'm alive
    'Cause it's my life

    P.S - This is my life and it’s great, and short, and terrible, and endless... and none of us have come out of it alive..... isnt this line from P.S. I Love you....

    Muahhhh - keep them coming

  3. 2 postings in 2 days , after ages !! gosh girl. have a heart and space them a bit so that we can respond to each. :)

    Me what do i say to above ? Well a related experience ,and that happened recently ( good timing ) is that i went for a day trip with the new aquaintance i mentioned to you . ( your alter ego - except for the mood )

    And i had a very very nice day. After a very long time . Our destination was this bay by the sea where they sold some awesome fried fish , which we had at the pier . The drive had lots of scenic views . the weather perfect. stopping a few times to have chai and stare at beautiful people . But we never felt the time going. ( you know how it is when the day goes well , time flies ) The music in the BMW was Barry White - his best of - you should really listen to him .

    No it wasnt a romantic encouter as you are thinking ( Though this would definetly be a plan if i have to make a romantic drive + the music ;)i'd definetly score )-

    it was a drive between 2 new friends getting to know each other.

    The company is not the girl you meet at every corner . Mature girl, 3 degrees under the belt and the 4th underway ( that too in psychiatry ).single, out going , talkative , open , successful , ,opinated and good looks to add to it. 37 years of life experiences - with all it's ups and downs.

    the conversation was really interesting - we spoke the whole day though it never seemed as such . Every topic under the sun you can imagine . experiences , career , travels ,children , food , beauty,family, relationships, break ups , love making , one night stands , you name it :) It was very easy to speak. You know how it is ? And how rare and special such encounters can be ( u n me ;))

    Older girls , mature girls at least this one can be really good conversationalists .and a lot to share and i wanted to share this with you :

    I did ask her if she wasnt suffering from SS syndrome ? And she replied that she too did go through a life shattering break up. But what she discovered was life is enriching , growing up as a person . she did feel a little left back when she was in a relationship and now she is totally into growing, exploring , meeting people , travelling, seeing beautiful things, studying . That she has learnt not to get attached , to move on . That she needs space and not be affected by people . If she is horny , she gets a one night stand and if the guy is not a good shag , drops him like a fly .

    The liberated woman - by circumstance and now choice. And happy to be so :)

    Big Hugs Parveen - you are the best .

    ps : before you interview me , no i dont have butterflies and dont think i will - but yes i cant stop listening to Barry White ;)

  4. Rightly summarized. Waiting for the perfect person is a gamble, but that's something one can live with. You can check Richard Bach book "The bridge across forever" which chronicles a person's journey and search for the perfect soulmate. as long as you believe it, and have faith,it will surely manifest :)

    All the best in finding a perfect soul mate !

    P.S: I too had written a funny short story on SS long back. Do check this out - The Orange Girl :

  5. Hmmmmm...couldn't agree know ur rolling ur eyes and saying 'ayesha ur a kid, u probably dont feel the same way'..but i know when u get these pathetic looks that ur single...i've been a perennial single with a coupla relationships on n off...but yeah, the more u socialize the more ppl make u realize that its really pathetically sad that ur single..for a long time u assure urself that ur better off single but after a point all the people u were counting on, it turns out that they're not single anymore and they dont have the time for u :-|
    n sheesh...its back to square one :-D

  6. Hey!! I love this post , I read it all over again as you voice out the feelings of individuals who are single and ready to wait till they feel that they don't want to be single anymore, they are happy and enjoying it!!
    And if it is for LOVE, then its ok, LOVE waits...
    The others who are not single anymore they make you feel as if you have committed/ committing a sin
    I've realized that fear of being alone is scary but being in the relationship just for the sake of family, friends and society is worse than being alone...isn't that stupid, getting hitched just because all your friends are getting married. then having kids cause everybody is having them. and in the end we end up with unsuccessful relationship and confused children..

    Being single is just a phase...make most of it
    and when love comes your way...don't let it go:)

  7. super-stuff. deep & insightful.

  8. Let there be hope & Inshallah in his glory all prayer's shall be answered.
    Have faith in almighty & if you believe in destiny,just leave some decisions on him, i can imagine how you feel when it comes to our great SOCIETY but tell me genuinely how much does it matter,they only hurt & when you aware bout the trait why even bother to what's said.. just ctrl+shft+del ;)

    All i'd like to say is don't lose hope n keep your heart open so that when you meet the right person in life who touches your heart n soul you don't block the doors coz of your past experiences, bitter sweet memories..get in a relationship for life if you truly believe in it or else just let go ..i shall keep you in my prayers inshallah as i strongly believe they are heard, it's just a matter of test n trials,time ..
    Most importantly to be happy in life one should feel happy within oneself & never depend on other's to make us feel happy.
    Parveen your a strong girl hats off to you & wish you goodluck..i know some things are easy to say & unbelievably hard to follow but one has to learn the art & move on..
    For the ones who read your blogs & have gone through heart breaks read the sayins n njy the art of letting go

    Love n Hugs!!
    Almighty is great,let your belief be firm!