Friday, March 19, 2010

Ghosts!!!.... I mean of the Past!!!

Well, I am surprising myself with another post in a matter of a week... I guess getting carried away with all the comments and appreciation.. given to me strictly by force...

After the last post on cheating and forgiving... I thought I had made my point and had nothing more to say on this topic... till someone I know asked me what about trusting and forgetting....

My blog is all about my views and what I believe in and actually implement in my life... writing and commenting on trusting would be... preaching and not practising...

Just have to make a point... that if we trust someone, lets trust till the end whatever the results maybe.. in the end either we will have a great relation or a even greater lesson... and I have a Ph. D in learning amazing lessons...

So back to the Questions... Can we ever forget even if we have forgiven???

Or in my case..

Can we ever really forget someone if we haven’t forgiven them???

When a relationship ends do we ever get rid of the ghosts of the pasts or are we forever haunted by the spirits of the past relationships....

Mumbai is definitely haunted.. ex lovers, old friends... anyone you have unresolved issues with you are bound to bump into over and over again.. until you resolve your issues...

No matter how fast you travel or you run from it can you ever escape your past?? It is difficult to forget our disappointments and people who let us down.. and I mean anyone, what I have learnt and experienced is that..... We have to let go of our past to truly move forward...

I sometimes wonder about the tense relationship, and by that I mean a relationship and its connection to the past, present and future tense........

At a certain age we’ve all had relationships that are far from past perfect. But how much does that past relationship affect our dreams of future perfect??

And as I keep thinking.. ....I can’t help but wonder can you get to a future if your past is present........ (If I am stuck on my last boyfriend, my last job, my last last oversize store..which shut btw... can I ever really move on???)

Of all the relationships where there is a breakup... like.. love, friendship, work ... the most difficult one to move on from is love.... and forgetting would really come by moving on...

How does one move on....really tricky...

Some get into the next relation... generally called a rebound.. which always screws the other over and under!!!!

Some prefer sulking and dying in depression... or the exact opposite being aggressive negative and difficult to live with....

Some rationalize and think they are taking the high road and prefer being friends with an EX.... (I am not included in these some BTW)

Thinking of the EX factor.. In mathematics... X stands for the unknown... and A+B = X... but what is really unknown to me is what plus what equals to friendship with an “X”

Is this an unsolvable equation... or is it possible to transform a once passionate love, into something that fits nice and easily on the friendship shelf..
Can you really be friends with an EX???

My answer is NO...

I have met those couples who stay friends and I really wonder how do they do that... I belive that being my friend is a big bonus in the relationship and if the person doesn’t want the relationship.. He or she doesn’t even deserve my friendship.. there has to be some punishment for breaking up with me... So I hold my friendship as a punishment

I would love to be one of those people who say to their Ex “ we loved, thank you.. you enriched my life now go prosper”... But I am much more the person who would rather say... “I loved you so much and now I have the deep desire for you to suffer intense pain...and because we didn’t work out, you need to not exist”

I believe that relationships are like cotour, if it doesn’t fit perfectly... its a disaster... but to think of it, its so childish, this whole situation about me being unable to be friends with an EX... I keep dresses which I will never wear again... and I still throw away my old relationships...

I Cant help but wonder... If you love someone and you break up... where does the love go?????

I guess it goes to the next GF / BF.... (You see them happy... And I guess then it sinks in..... “they are happy and we are OVER”

The reality is letting go or forgetting is never easy if you truly loved..... but there is really no harm in trying....

Because in life... people die.. computers crash... relationships fall apart...

We just need to breathe and reboot!!!

As for me... I don’t want to rush into falling in love.....when people ask me why am I single.. I just tell them, I am still Choosing.......



  1. hi parveen, we havent chatted in a long time and sorry couldn't come to meet you.

    on my side , all's fine . An eligible bachlor went for a family function today. After ages, It was one of my uncle's 60th birthday. He had a small religious ceremony and had invited a small crowd (~150 people for dinner ) including my mom and i . And you know me with crowds - that too many unknown faces. I looked out for sanctuary in the kitchen where my aunt and her sister and my mom were busy helping the kitchen work ( familiar known people ) but in such occasions , there would always be some elderly lady entering , greeting and asking what i'm up to ( how i hate these petty talk with strangers ) but being polite , i would humbly smile and simply reply " i'm a student "-( being very technically precise, truthful and correct ). but these tenacious ladies would try return " in what ? where ? "
    I decided to change my strategy and say to the next few people who asked , i replied and in a sad puppy face " i'm unemployed " ( not quite correct , but practically , as i don't earn, not far from the truth ) and it so avoid the next 2 questions ! ( but also ,unconciously i believe deletes their memory of the encounter with me as i'm really not intereseted in keeping their faces in my mind ) That went on with a few ladies , till my mom overheard me . And what scornful face she gave me !!
    " Please idli , don't !!These ladies will be scandalised ! Till only last year , you were working in a hospital , treating some of them or their relatives They are seeing you after a long time and they wont understand - be more elaborative !

    Gosh - these ladies . i decided to escape the assault by looking for something to do which was serving the dinner !

    But my story didnt end there . Now i have this loving cousin , who saw it as her sisterly obligation to look out for me . We do get along very well and we'd meet mostly at weddings , where we'd sit together and check out girls ! for the shy bachelor cousin that i am !! comment and counter comment ( much teasing at her lack of taste ). But being at wedding ,and knowing our place we kept it to us . All very fun !
    But now at her place , she was in home territory . At one time she grabbed me to introduce me to the all the eligible girls out there . I'm sure she must have had a blast at my expense ! worth the sight of my face , turning all sort of colours. There the tall one , the dyed haired one, , her favourite , the girl who did the same field as i but in delhi . The correct french term is " depayiser " It 's quite a task to be in a forced situation to talk to people ( and not booze to help out either ) She'll be having a field day the next time we meet ! and maybe for years to come . Gosh quite an evening . But a nice one nevertheless.

  2. Anyways , besides above, Coming to your blog P , In the bible , there used to be a nice story i liked , where some people brought a woman adulterer to jesus and said that in the law of moses condemned this woman to be stoned , and wat would jesus do ? Jesus just replied that " he who is without sin amonst you , shall cast the 1st stone " And soon , one by one the people realised wat he meant left , till jesus was alone with teh woman !
    You know very well parveen that i cant comment on this blog - I know one of the producers of the show "emotional aaychiar" very well .In fact we last met at her place ! Though i did ask her her comments once on the show . She replied that It's a show that everyone has an opinion about - positive or negative . everyone does crossing every social fabric and that may explain it's high TRP ratings But to herself , she discovered more about herself thru this show .Everyone reacts uniquely to hurt , to cheating . What she discovered was how a as a person , she felt better in retrospective , taht she was not a vengeful , bitter , or hurtful person . Maybe a bit to herself initially , but she eventually dealt with it and noone was hurt/got hurt around her ! and she's proud of the good person she feels about it .
    Life is lived looking backwards at the events that shaped it ! ( It's from Abraham Verghese, the author of the 1st book you recommended me to read - i'm now reading his lastest work-cutting for stone , v promising so far :)
    miss you
    lots of love and hugs

  3. Dear Parveen,
    Never ever worry about the people in your past....Theres a reason they did not make it ot the future.... N keep choosing darling.... Not everyone deserves you.... By the way when are you comin to office dear... Miss u in the lunch break.....

  4. how long before the next ? so many things i wish to say :(

  5. As the saying goes, dont let the thorns make you go away from the roses. I agree on the part about forgetting the past to move ahead in life. well, about being friends with EX, no comments from my side, due to lack of experience ;D

    Yet,i believe, until you forgive them, you are retaining their part of life in you ! Anyhow, quite a lengthy post on relationships :)

  6. Moving on is always simple, what we leave behind is what makes it difficult... ! I have been through the pain, which is temporary, provided one sports a positive attitude.