Hope Floats

Hope floats

I cannot blame writers block to my laziness anymore.. so for all who wanted me to write regularly.. this is for you.. Finally out of inertia...

Because some of you were so desperately HOPING for me to write again... I couldn’t think of anything else but HOPE... which most of the times can be the choice you make after CHANGE...

And my life and actually its true for almost all of us ..... IS ALL ABOUT CHANGE...

When we experience change.... we have our family, friends, well wishers telling us... THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR THE BEST....

 But

What they are actually trying to tell us is,  that what we didn’t want to happen has happened.. and we have no choice,  but to accept and deal with it... 

Which is obviously is the most logical thing to say...  but then the fuck up is...  its not that easy... All of us have experienced change... for the good or in some cases for bad as well.....

• Some of us with lot of strength accept it and deal with it as advised..
• Some of us don’t... and get into denial mode... and ignore... and get depressed.. and etc etc..
• Some of us... (ME) act as if they have accepted the change and are dealing with it in the most effective way.. but in reality  it’s not what it appears to be...

 People like me (if they are any of my kind existing) hold on to what they didn’t want to change (even if the change has done good)  and dwell on it forever... going back and forth and just torturing themselves... out of personal choice!! Refusing to come out of the comfort zone even if its better otherwise... denying themselves happiness... because of their inability to take risks...

And in my case... (I am the third and the most deadly category) by the grace of god, change has always done me good)..... So why didn’t I let HOPE FLOAT!!! 

My job is a lot to do with hope... making individuals see what’s possible, believing in themselves, taking action and achieving their dreams... ....... and I have done this for 12 years...

 I am a sucker for positivity and hope... in the way I speak, talk to people.... even on my facebook status... and yet... I didn’t HOPE.. didn’t practice what I preached and advocated so strongly... And the worst part is I didn’t hope... but believed and acted as if I did...

So I thought why don’t...... I do what I say, Act as per my belief .... that Hope Floats .... For everyone in every condition ... whether it is

• ·         Dealing with a terminal illness
• ·         Waiting for the right diagnosis for your condition
• ·         Dealing with a broken marriage / relationship
• ·         Waiting to finish your studies and finally start your life..
• ·         Adjusting to a new city... new job...
• ·         Accepting things when they go wrong...
• ·         Trying to make someone understand what you feel for them...
• ·         Healing your broken heart and soul... again and again and again....

If there is hope... life moves on... there is something to look forward to every moment you breathe.. Sunrise gives you energy... sunset gives you patience to wait for tomorrow.

I know... it’s easier said then done... But the thing to remember is hope doesn’t just sit there like a stone.. it has to be made...like bread.. remade all the time fresh and new....

And I can do this .... if I have the intention to see the possibilities what life has to offer... have the courage to believe it will happen.. and the self esteem to not settle for anything less than what I deserve.....

And not to forget...there is something else which also floats ... more on that later ;)

Love always

P

The decade that was....

I know it’s a little late in the year to contemplate over and talk about what happened in the last decade.. But as they say... better late than never...

At the beginning of the decade, I wanted to take a step back and ponder on the decade that was... the most happening decade of my life... The decade of many wonderful beginnings and traumatic ends!!!

And I guess not only for me... for many others like me, around me... the decade gone by has been special / different in some way or the other for everyone... and think about it.. it has to be..... because by default atleast a couple of significant life events have to happen to a person in a decade..

Events like, End of education, start of work, marriage, children

If one is really lucky and lets others decide for him/her, all of the above 4 events can happen in 10 years!!

If one doesn’t want to contribute to population explosion or just lazy... then 3 out of the 4...

If one (read me) is suffering from inertia, commitment phobia, trust issues, boredom issues, variety issues then 2 out of 4

And if one is born to really rich parents... and / or is also a loser..... one or non out of 4

Well, enough of cynicism.. ..Let’s get to the Decade that was....

When I started writing this post.. I wanted to dwell upon all the significant, life changing events that happened to me in the last ten years...... but then what is gone is gone... and what it left behind are a few life altering realisations, learning’s and deeper understanding of myself ....

My decade started with a new job.. infinite possibilities... discovering my strengths at work... and my first step towards my career goals... and that’s when I learnt that “ things that come quickly into your life are the ones that you believe in the most!” I love my work..... believe in the goodness of what it offers and success just came... I guess god was personally monitoring my progress and blessed me at every step.... for which I am eternally grateful...

I went from losing myself to rediscovering myself... there was a time when, whatever I did or even felt was just to make a few people happy and be with me.. but then I started missing who I used to be and realised that, someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger.. but they will never be ME!

I went from feeling very lonely in a house full of family to feeling loved and cared for even in deserted cancer ward in a big city hospital... that’s when I realised....... The only people who accept you for who you are and love you no matter what...... are the ones who you call family...... and no boyfriend, career, even friends can ever replace that and it’s never too late to make that bond stronger or for that matter even create a bond if there isn’t one already.

I went from drowning in self pity with a badly bruised heart and rock bottom self esteem (the worst of the decade) to the following life altering realisations.....

“There is meaning to my pain if I rise above it”

“In life there are always undesirable things, so in order to feel better; I just need to look at life from a different direction”

“The things or events that have happened to me in life don’t need an answer they just need a grateful heart ... and if I have gratitude I will find peace in everything and everywhere”

And the most important realisation of all, “I need to love myself, to be be amazed by the satisfaction life presents.”

And bam... life just changed...... because that’s the thing about time and realisations.... Sometimes a decade can pass by in an uneventful second with a numb head... and then in just 2 years.... monumental things can happen...

Things that give so much wisdom... wisdom to know that...

Time doesn’t really heal everything automatically.. its what we learn during the given time that heals.... it really does... fixes a broken heart... broken trust... as well as some very stubborn scars and fat deposits!!!

Sometimes even if you are not sure of your direction or lost or wondering what the hell is happening....... you can still find your way to something wonderful because seriously.... If life always waited for us to understand what’s going on..... nothing awesome would ever happen......

It’s not always necessary to use your feelings for everything,.........sometimes you also need to use your brains!!

And now six months down in my next decade... I am here with the confidence and faith that ... the next ten years will be equal (if not more eventful) as my previous one... because I know that, “Faith is the continual demonstration of strength and wonder of life”

I may not be where I need to be... but I thank god I am not where I used to be!!!!

I may not have had all the major events in the last decade (marriage, children) ... the new decade looks promising...

It’s been lucky... we won the world cup.

I finally got my house renovated.

I have made my next career and relationship decision.

I have managed to accept that I am lovable with and without the weight.

So here’s hoping that by the end of the next decade... you would be reading my views in a book (which you would have bought voluntarily because it would be a best seller and winner of many book awards) and some of you who are thinking ... I’ll give you guys a complimentary copy.. dream on!!! :P :P :P

love always
Paro.

Surprises and Shocks!!!

Dictitionary.com describes surprises & shocks as follows:
Surprise – to be amazed / astonished
Shock – sudden and violent blow/impact

I know I don’t need to give you guys a vocabulary lesson, but then its been awhile I have blogged... l didn’t know how to begin 

Anyway, All of us go through these emotions ... some at frequent intervals!!!
Life is all about shocks and surprises... Most of us crib about life being monotonous and regular .. and the ones who crib the most about a regular boring life... are actually the ones who are the most annoyed, disturbed about these shocks and surprises... and I was one of these cribbers!!!

The last few years for me have been a roller coaster of S & s ... (capital S for surprises and small s for shocks, for obvious reasons)

Introspecting about my loonnggg list of surprises and shocks has led me to change my perspective about them

And here is why!!

When you are shocked that you have hit rock bottom up and surprised by the fact that now the only way out is the WAY UP!!

When you are surprised that people who you have just met... or not contacted for years... give you a pleasant surprise on your birthday and shocked that people who you know for 10 years conveniently forget!

Shocked that your close friends leave you when they find someone new and surprised that you have friends who are still waiting for you!!!

Surprised that you have such wonderful angels around you to bring you a smile on your face by a warm hug or sweet good morning.... and shocked that yet, you allow insecure cynics to screw your happiness!!!

Shocked that you face a financial crunch out of nowhere and surprised that you have some savings which you didn’t remember!!! Or some honest person.. who still remembers that he / she owes you money!!

Surprised that you meet someone after so many years and start from where you have left, and shocked that you start all over again with someone who is with you every day!!

Shocked that how selfishly you break the bond with your family and surprised that how easy it is to form that bond again and even STRONGER!!

Surprised that it takes a few moments for someone to want to be with you forever and shocked that some who knows you for years doesn’t want to be with you at all.

Shocked that you are unable to create that special bond with the one person, you wanted to spend your entire life with..... and surprised that you have made so many special bonds with so many lovely people!!

Surprised that your kids can handle life so beautifully and shocked that you still need a lot of advice in handling yours!!!

Shocked that at the age of 35 you still have boyfriend issues and surprised that you still manage to find a boyfriend at the age of 35!!!

Surprised that you have been offered to co -author a book because of the rambling you do on your blog and shocked that in spite of literally begging people, they don’t comment on you post.

Shocked that with all the failures and life‘s fuck ups you have lost confidence in yourself and surprised that so many people take their life’s major decisions because they have confidence in you!!!

And finally

Shocked that you have done whatever you could do to make things fine for you and surprised that when you are just about to give up, god steps in and does what you can’t!!

So, my discovery about the S& s phenomena is that they are two sides of the same coin... with every shock... there is a little surprise packed in.... what we need is just a little change in perspective, a bit of introspection and in some cases a little SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

Because you can be surprised that life is a box of chocolates and shocked that you have DIABETES... but, if you drop the cynicism ... you will BE SURPRISED to discover... the yummiest SUGAR FREE CHOCALATE CHIP COOKIES!!!

Wish you all a life of shocks with pleasant surprises all around them!!

God bless!!
Feel free to add your list of S & s

P.S - next blogpost coming up soon....

Yes….. No….. I don’t Know!

Long long ago, there was a place called crazy land, beautiful angels lived there. These angels helped people reach their destination. They just loved and enjoyed their time in crazy land, there was just a small problem.....the angels talked too much and ate too much... every opportunity they had to eat or to talk,, they would just start, without any fear of the consequences…, which frequently landed them into trouble… Untill the day they got an ultimatum from the neighbours who lived in boringville, to shut the fuck up.. or get out of crazy land (unfortunately the way to crazy land was through boringville!!!)

The angels were heart broken... how could they even think of not talking... and one fine day they discovered these three magical words...

YES.... NO... I DONT KNOW....

If some of you are wondering what’s this all about... don’t rack your brains..... It’s only for the angels... and they are laughing right now...

Now back to what this should have originally been...

My view on Yes... No... I don’t know

It is a common know fact and a very popular saying that life is full of choices, you have options for everything.... Food, clothes, house, jobs, friends , love etc....

So I thought.. and like every normal human... I kept making these choices (few in some, many in some)...

The most obvious one being FOOD.. those who know me will know why!!

Clothes – the choice of food pretty much screwed and narrowed the choice of clothes... but occasionally I do try to Experiment and miserably fail.. those who have seen me on Saturday nights will know how!!

House: didn’t have much choice here.. now have 4... my house, mom’s house, bro’s house... and the place where I stay the most... WORKPLACE!! Which btw influences almost all the choices…

Jobs... in my case Job... let me not say much... those who know me ... will be laughing already.....

Friends – have always made the right choice and have some lovely people who I feel priveledged to call my close friends... (I think I make the best choice in friends)

But ironically the best one I had... decided to choose someone else...

Love – no problem here at all... I don’t choose... they choose me... and then misuse me (oh! Its rhymes) On a serious note..... I no more venture here!! I suck at it!!

Personally for me making a choice has always been a nightmare... however flexible and spontaneous I am.. or I believe I am... making a choice has never been easy... and the biggest reason is I hate change (I better accept this now).. and nothing wrong in that.. most people resist change and I am no different...

The difficulty is not dealing with my choice after its made (I am too stubborn and fiercely guard my choices) My major issue is to deal with the time before and during making my choice!!!

The above was the case till I discovered the 3 magic words...

YES.. NO... I DONT KNOW..

If we really think about it ..... these can actually make choosing so easy... Only if we could just answer Yes / No / I don’t know.....our life would be less complicated, so simple... and we would be happy and at peace!!!

Our conscience would not prick so much as, instead of finding faults with people or giving an excuse to cheat...We could just say, “YES.... this is not working”.

We would not be addicted to substance or anything for that matter... if we had the courage to say NO!!

We wouldn’t lie or feel ashamed if we just said, “I don’t know”

These words are so simple.....yet so powerful!!!

So why can’t we muster up the courage..... and use... these 3 words.....which when added to any sentence make things so clear and easy to understand... for example...

Yes!! I love you

No! I can’t do this / can’t change for you

I don’t know .... give me sometime... or explain!!

And you don’t always have to use them in a sentence... they say a lot even when said alone...
NO
I DONT KNOW
YES !! YES!! YES!!! (Would sound so much better verbally!!!)

As for me... using these 3 words...

Helps me...
Save some money.... only the angels know how!!

Pushes me to my limits...
Yes, I will get this done.... will snap out of it!!
No, I wont give up..
I don’t know now... but will find out soon...

Lands me in Trouble
Yes you are gay
No, I am not
I don’t know how to get out of this!!

Makes me sad
Yes, I miss you
No, I will not make the first move
I don’t know why this is taking so much time!

Keeps me confused!!!
Yes, I want a partner!! (5 out of 7 days)
NO, I don’t want to get married!!
I Don’t know WHY !!!

And makes me happy!!!
Yes, I accept myself as I am
No, I won’t give up on Hope!!
I don’t know , why certain things happen to me...
But I know for sure... God will take care of me always!!

As for crazy land ... it’s still as crazy as it was... just that the angels have become wise.... and now they follow the golden rule....

WHEN THE CAT IS AWAY.... THE MICE WILL STRAY!!!

Love always

P.S
Yes, people will comment
No, issues even if they didn’t
I don’t know, why I force people to comment on my post????

The S Syndrome

I am a 30’s something girl single, independent, successful, happy. Life is fun, I can do what I want, live life the way I wish to... and the song “it’s a beautiful life” fits my life almost perfectly!!!

SO I THOUGHT... until I realised I was hit by the S syndrome...here goes how...

I joined a class recently... following are some excerpts from my conversation with my counsellor.

Counsellor: Tell me about your family?

Me: mom, dad, 3 brothers, 2 bhabhi’s, 3 nephews, 2 nieces, 1 cat & 1 dog.

Counsellor: I meant, who do you live with?

Me: my younger bro and Bhabhi..

Counsellor: (irritated and looking at me as if I am a fool, not understanding his question)

Me: (confused) I live with my younger brother and his wife..

Counsellor: (now visibly angry) your family.. I mean your husband and children...

Me: Oh, I am not married...

Counsellor: (shocked and at same time feeling sorry) Oh, so you are single, this class will surely help you...

Me: (in trance.. just hit by the S syndrome)

Not to forget the SINGLE written in bold on my form...

I generally feel that anywhere I go, I am the only single person there.. or maybe I am the only single person anywhere.. And I hate when I get that “Don’t worry you will find someone “look..

It’s said, for a women who is above 30, It’s easier to get hit by a terrorist bullet then finding a life partner.... Society views single people my age sad and pathetic.
But to think of it, just because someone doesn’t perform the way you want them to.. Doesn’t mean you should give up on them.

Anyway, there are many times that people look at me as if being single is a bigger curse than anything else in the world.... In recent times, I haven’t come across one normal reaction to my relationship status... and when I don’t want this Judgement hanging over my head I go on the offensive and make jokes.. and most of the time.. the joke is on me!!

Jokes apart...I am going to be 35, and I am alone.. the more I sat there.. the more it hit me.. I HATE myself for saying this....... But it feels really sad not to have a man in my life, who cares about me. There is no special guy to wish me happy birthday, no god dam soul mate (And I don’t even know, if I believe in the concept anymore)

Coming back to this S syndrome (if you’ve still haven’t figured out what S stands for, you are surely not single!!)

To make matters worse.... The S syndrome just affects the female gender... Coz, if men are single for long, they are generally perceived as waiting to get settled and then take up the responsibility..
Whereas women, as soon as they reach 21 .. are perceived to be all settled and ready to jump into a relation..

And it’s not only in terms of marriage......It also has to do with making babies.. Charlie Chaplin had a baby when he was 73... He didn’t have the ability to lift the baby but he could still produce one..

As for women....... all this global warming has kicked us into early menopause (read end of reproduction, end of life!!!)Time ticks for us... not men!!! Men find it extremely putting off, when women my age ask a man to commit because age is not on their side...

My single status never really worried me so much, and I thought, it should not affect any single girl my age.... coz to be very honest........ how many guys do we really hit it off with and even if we did, relationships don’t last, and if they do, Men die first, so we are back to where we started.

So I wonder, Do I want marriage, perfect honeymoon & babies or do I think I should have marriage, a perfect honeymoon and babies...How do I separate what I could do to what I Should do .. And here’s an alarming thought.. It’s not just societal pressure as I think.. It seems like coming from within.. Why am I shoulding all over myself?

I have a wonderful life, can have almost everything I want...... So should I skip the marriage, honeymoon, kids, anniversaries drama???

I generally don’t like to sugar coat my feelings...... but at the same time I don’t want a sugar free existence

So, I don’t want to skip all the drama, I want to have it all.... wedding, kids, anniversaries....because I thought I was banking on my wonderful life, lovely family, awesome friends... But as it turns out.......... I am just hiding alone......

So what really has stopped me from not being single? I can’t continue blaming my past relationship...... No relationship in the past can be so bad to taint all my future relations. It’s not healthy and absolutely not worth it, to give it so much importance!!!

Why Have I shut myself to even the possibility of a relationship... So what if I have found some really bad ones... It’s of so much worth and such a privilege to grow old with someone, someone who doesn’t drive you up to murder.. someone who doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair..

I need to open myself to this experience again... Things happen in life that you can’t stop but that doesn’t mean that you shut off the world......

This is my life and it’s great, and short, and terrible, and endless... and none of us have come out of it alive.....

So here I am.... I don’t want to be afraid to fall in love and be in a relationship...I will look for the signal... when Life as I know....will change...

Because I believe, that someday, somehow, whatever I’ve prayed for will come true... it may not be in the exact package I wanted, but it will be what god thinks is best for me......

And Sooner or later I will find someone who will choose.......

Feelings over logic

Principles over polish

Values over money

Soul over looks

Love over lust...

And I know this might be a big gamble..... and I may end up frustrated and more disillusioned...

But, then again there are something’s worth gambling on......

Because I have discovered,

To hit the jackpot in the future you might have to bet on where you are in the present...

Love always...

For now,

Just ......

Miss Parveen Shaikh....

In the Pursuit of...

Everyone is in the pursuit of something.....

Some in the pursuit of the best business deal... for which they can go to any extent... even having meetings while in flight reaching somewhere...

Some in the pursuit of the perfect figure... for which they can actually just survive on AIR!!

Some in the pursuit of money... put this as a different category.. cause all don’t rely on working or business for money.. some also MARRY!!!

Some in the pursuit of the best holiday.. for which they can drive any travel agent / airline crazy and also dive through the ash clouds.... phew (and some read me.. just plan and talk..)

Some in the pursuit of wanting everyone to like them , want them... these can go to any extent of pain (hidden) to make it happen...

Some in the pursuit of making their sweetheart smile.. even if it is travelling 3 hours to spend 20 minutes at the station.... or in my case travel to a different country and end up getting my heart broken!!!

Well there are too many pursuits to mention... I’ll just stick to mine...

I am in the pursuit of the following,

A) The perfect weight loss plan... where I want to challenge all the professionals in the world... make me plan where I eat whatever I want in whatever amount I want... do no exercise.. and still be size 12 (zero is being too ambitious, 20 to 12 is good enough, then i will get my size in any apparel store I walk into.. What’s the big deal in making the obvious weight loss plan, eat healthy exercise and lose weight. The fun is to go crazy with food and no exercise and still lose....

B) My retirement plan.. not only financial (not that I am any closer to having one).. I am in the pursuit of an emotional and a social retirement plan, which does not include a happy ever after relationship.. I need a plan where I have people to depend on for emotional support and social support by which I mean... people to bitch too and some company, to avoid going out alone on a Saturday night!!

C) The final cure for cancer... why the hell can’t a whole bunch of doctors not find a pill with the least amount of pain and bring an end to this horrible disease...

D) The perfect way of saying what I really want to and at the right time... without wasting tones of time figuring out the right words..(And ironically I write!!!)

E) And finally figuring out what I really want???

While putting all this, I realised that my list of pursuits... will always increase and never end.. coz as time changes so do our pursuits and wants. What I wanted yesterday is different than what I want today and what I will want in future.

Sometimes being in the pursuit of various things can make one look as if he / she is not satisfied with what one has in life already.. Which is not a very good feeling to live with...

I guess having a pursuit is not the issue, the issue most of the time we attach the word PERFECT to it. Some may not attach the word “Perfect” but perceive the pursuit to be perfect... which is worst coz then there is no acceptance either.

This perception is the reason why things we already have become pursuits...
I am not saying accept sub standard stuff and not go after what you want... what I mean is ... if we are more accepting and flexible maybe then...

People wouldn’t end lives,

There wouldn’t be so many divorces and breakups,

People would find partners easily,

We might not change so many jobs,

We would not end friendships... ..

We would be just in the pursuit of making things which we already have better and stronger... or we would just let go off things which we can’t do anything about!!

So pursue whatever you want to... but before you go crazy in your pursuit... look around.... you just might find ONE around the corner and the only thing to work on then would be your PERCEPTION!!

BUT The one thing which we all need to be constantly in the pursuit of is ...LOVE... coz whatever the cynical in me says or gets sarcastic about...

Love does make my world go round.. and love can make me

Loose weight (with all the diets and exercise) just to see my lil bro smile..

Love can make me accept and let go of my hurt and make a fresh emotional start....

Love can make me fight cancer and not run away from it....

Love can make me say the words which are the most difficult to say and aceept..
“I am sorry and don’t go away from me”

And with all this love... who really wants anything else in life...

SO I AM AND WILL BE IN THE PURSUIT OF LOVE!!!

And also in the pursuit of a post that anyone who reads.... comments.......
(Now if this is not a clue.. what is?? )

Happy commenting!!!

and incase I dont comment back... I might be busy pusuing LOVE!!

cheers
Parveen

Ghosts!!!.... I mean of the Past!!!

Well, I am surprising myself with another post in a matter of a week... I guess getting carried away with all the comments and appreciation.. given to me strictly by force...

After the last post on cheating and forgiving... I thought I had made my point and had nothing more to say on this topic... till someone I know asked me what about trusting and forgetting....

My blog is all about my views and what I believe in and actually implement in my life... writing and commenting on trusting would be... preaching and not practising...

Just have to make a point... that if we trust someone, lets trust till the end whatever the results maybe.. in the end either we will have a great relation or a even greater lesson... and I have a Ph. D in learning amazing lessons...

So back to the Questions... Can we ever forget even if we have forgiven???

Or in my case..

Can we ever really forget someone if we haven’t forgiven them???

When a relationship ends do we ever get rid of the ghosts of the pasts or are we forever haunted by the spirits of the past relationships....

Mumbai is definitely haunted.. ex lovers, old friends... anyone you have unresolved issues with you are bound to bump into over and over again.. until you resolve your issues...

No matter how fast you travel or you run from it can you ever escape your past?? It is difficult to forget our disappointments and people who let us down.. and I mean anyone, what I have learnt and experienced is that..... We have to let go of our past to truly move forward...

I sometimes wonder about the tense relationship, and by that I mean a relationship and its connection to the past, present and future tense........

At a certain age we’ve all had relationships that are far from past perfect. But how much does that past relationship affect our dreams of future perfect??

And as I keep thinking.. ....I can’t help but wonder can you get to a future if your past is present........ (If I am stuck on my last boyfriend, my last job, my last friend...my last oversize store..which shut btw... can I ever really move on???)

Of all the relationships where there is a breakup... like.. love, friendship, work ... the most difficult one to move on from is love.... and forgetting would really come by moving on...

How does one move on....really tricky...

Some get into the next relation... generally called a rebound.. which always screws the other over and under!!!!

Some prefer sulking and dying in depression... or the exact opposite being aggressive negative and difficult to live with....

Some rationalize and think they are taking the high road and prefer being friends with an EX.... (I am not included in these some BTW)

Thinking of the EX factor.. In mathematics... X stands for the unknown... and A+B = X... but what is really unknown to me is what plus what equals to friendship with an “X”

Is this an unsolvable equation... or is it possible to transform a once passionate love, into something that fits nice and easily on the friendship shelf..
Can you really be friends with an EX???

My answer is NO...

I have met those couples who stay friends and I really wonder how do they do that... I belive that being my friend is a big bonus in the relationship and if the person doesn’t want the relationship.. He or she doesn’t even deserve my friendship.. there has to be some punishment for breaking up with me... So I hold my friendship as a punishment

I would love to be one of those people who say to their Ex “ we loved, thank you.. you enriched my life now go prosper”... But I am much more the person who would rather say... “I loved you so much and now I have the deep desire for you to suffer intense pain...and because we didn’t work out, you need to not exist”

I believe that relationships are like cotour, if it doesn’t fit perfectly... its a disaster... but to think of it, its so childish, this whole situation about me being unable to be friends with an EX... I keep dresses which I will never wear again... and I still throw away my old relationships...

I Cant help but wonder... If you love someone and you break up... where does the love go?????

I guess it goes to the next GF / BF.... (You see them happy... And I guess then it sinks in..... “they are happy and we are OVER”

The reality is letting go or forgetting is never easy if you truly loved..... but there is really no harm in trying....

Because in life... people die.. computers crash... relationships fall apart...

We just need to breathe and reboot!!!

As for me... I don’t want to rush into falling in love.....when people ask me why am I single.. I just tell them, I am still Choosing.......

Cheers
Parveen

Emotional Atyaachaar!!!

Well with all the time available to me..(I hope u guys smell sarcasm) I managed to see this program on some channel.... called emotional atyaachaar.... its about spying (or loyalty test as they call it) if you suspect your GF or BF to cheat, you can ask these channel people to do a sting operation and find out how faithful your partner is...
And every time I watch it, the one who is being cheated goes through the worst of atyaachaar... contrary to the promotional campaign of the program which says “ Save yourself from Emotional atyaachaar”

And I wonder How such a program can get high TRP’s ??? are we all looking out for cheap thrills like these!!!. Are the ones who want to find out the faithfulness of their partners sadist... or Are we all Masochist !!! entertainment at the cost of someone else's HEARTACHE!!!

Look at the Tiger Woods’ and the football player controversy. Who are we to judge them??. Tiger Woods recently apologised on TV for his behaviour... and that’s a sign of a good human being.. coz to err is human... He let his wife down, was unfaithful... now it’s their business whether they want to make their marriage work or end it... who are we really to judge.. why cant we separate the person from the behaviour... well easy said than done..

Well, I don’t want to get into this... What I am trying to understand is ..................

Why do people cheat??

And if they have cheated, can we forgive???

Question A:

In a gravity free world... where anything goes... what constitutes cheating???
Lets see,

Men cheat, for the same reason as dogs lick their balls... because they can; it’s a part of their biology...

Not to forget women cheat to (I would say more than men) there is no biological reason really.. though some people think that women who cheat are completely different than men... as they don’t go randomly attacking every man they think they are attracted too... because apparently women are not driven by testosterone, they are driven by emotions.. or hormones!!

Anyway instead of wasting all that energy, condemning the cheaters (men / women) maybe it’s time we all get in line with the reality of the situation...

People have different definitions’ and reactions to cheating...

Some can’t tolerate

Some are blind...

Some are forgiving (or maybe insecure, that maybe they won’t find anyone else)

And some are more realistic about human nature.. (mostly these are the ones who cheat..)

And I just don’t think you can define cheating in the absolute term... According to me there’s a cheating curve. Someone’s definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how they themselves want to cheat... maybe it is moral relativism or maybe quantum cheating... Einstein just got into me for a second!!)

The fact is the act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught, one does not exist without the other...

So according to me don’t cheat and if you cheat... don’t get caught... be smart!!! Because cynically speaking in a city like Mumbai with infinite options and possibilities... maybe monogamy has become too much to expect!!! (and I don’t just mean in love.. in all relationships .. friendships... designers.. favourite food joints, we don’t stick to one.. one way or the other we all cheat!!)

And also how many of us, actually look at the other side of the story... .. condemning is easy.. finding out what made the person stray takes effort... and for me finding out how, and what made my partner cheat is worth the effort... even if it turned out that he was AN ASSHOLE WITH A ROVING EYE!!!

Question B

Can we forgive? Is it really possible to forgive?

Well personal experience says... not easy at all... one of the most difficult things to do.. even more difficult than giving up chocolate..

Forgiving depends a lot upon how much pain or suffering can you really take in a relationship....

Practically speaking, most of the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusions... and one of the biggest delusions or beliefs is that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having...

In love relationships there is a fine line between pleasure and pain... to some pain implies growth, but how do we know when the growing pain stops and the pains pain takes over!!

So when do we know the tipping point... are we masochist or optimist?? that we still continue to walk the thin line of pleasure or pain.. When it comes to relationships how do we know when enough is enough!!!

And why do we believe that a relationship has to be really difficult to work!!

And I haven’t still figured out an answer to this question... I really don’t know... maybe beause I haven’t really forgiven anyone who has broken my heart or my trust....

After 2 long pages of rambling on with loads of confused questions and really no answers ... what I am trying to say is ...

Life is too short, and it keeps changing... so the people who we love and who then cheat on us for another lover or new friends.. have just changed to someone totally different and that’s really not cheating.. its going with flow and being adaptable to their changing priorities!!!

As for forgiving.....I know its not easy, but it sounds better and feels good if instead of FORGIVING SOMEONE (and making them feel like shit) WE JUST ACCEPT THEM FOR WHO THEY HAVE BECOME......

And I really feel, it’s totally worth the effort, which I will find out soon... coz I HAVE DECIEDED THAT I AM GOING TO ACCEPT ALL THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE FOR WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY HAVE CHANGED TOO... (Specially one of the most important person in my life, who I really miss)

Because in a city of infinite options and possibilities ..... sometimes it really feels good and less stressful to know that you have only one!!

Dedicated to all who are contemplating to forgive.... or even CHEAT!!!

love
Parveen

Valentine's Day..

So its official I am a diehard romantic, nothing but valentine’s day has made me overcome my writers block .... (and also the fact that I finally got some me time today)

Valentine’s day, will be fun this year without the stress of the Thackerays wanting to disrupt the lovers!!! And if you guys are wondering why and also not following the news... the SS must be really exhausted with all the brickbats on the MNIK issue.... and if they do something to disrupt V day then Mr. Thackeray really needs to ... GET A LIFE!!!

So what the hell is the thing with Valentine ’s Day.... some love it, some hate it and some of us (read me are actually confused???). One thing for sure........Whatever it is you JUST CANT IGNORE IT!!!

My family forces me to think of issues I rather ignore... here goes..

My nephew who is in the 1st standard by the way, asked me what am I doing on THE DAY!! And My niece who is 17 with her group of friends, asked me for some tips for Valentine’s Day.

Apparently, If you stay single long enough, you’re supposed to get wiser about love and dating... what kind of guy to pick.. where to go for a date, the right things to say etc etc. But what really made me the expert... Isn’t my single status a SIGN that I couldn’t get it RIGHT!!!

And I can’t stop thinking, that what if all these years of getting older and celebrating valentine’s day has made me more confused???

Am I getting OLDER... not WISER?? (And I mean in love)

What the hell have I been doing all these years, on Valentine’s Day, it’s quite shocking to me that, though there have been times, where I have done something nice on V day.
And now when I think of it... I can only remember the planning done prior and the cribbing done later!!!

Talk about being ungrateful.... no wonder no valentine’s day from the last 2 years and the next 100 years to come...

I guess I am still in the cynical zone...

YET.....I don’t want to lose the ability to BELIEVE....in Love!!

Anyway I feel for some people love is not enough, they need other people to acknowledge their love to feel in love... hence Valentine’s day, which had a historical significance has become such a big stress on some people... really. Everyone is talking about it / against it.. Go to a nearby archies store and you’ll find out...

Valentine’s day has become a day of Labelling... others labelling us or we labelling ourselves

SINGLE people (feeling more single than any other day... even the ones who want to mingle, hope that they had mingled with one person!!!)

New lovers (it’s my first valentine, what do I do special for him / her)

Old Lovers (I have done everything under the sun and moon, what MORE????)

Married people (expense again... Why do both of them believe in Valentine’s Day .. wife and GF)

Teens (who want all the wisdom from us)

And why is that, in this day and age .. we are willing to rewrite our destiny.... but not our own rules... When we label people as single, married, engaged, committed.... why do we forget to look past the label .......to the person.... for who they are ???

Valentine’s day doesn’t need to be a big stress / or something we want to ignore, get cynical about... or get labelled!!!

So on this valentine.... let’s dress head to toe in LOVE... the one label which never goes out of fashion....

As for love... love is just love.. one of the basic emotions... its natural not conditional... it runs on auto pilot.. with or without Mr. Valentine in the cockpit....

As for me...

I am happy giving advice to my niece and not worrying about love....
Love will not run out ... even if I don’t have a Valentine...

Because someone once told me....

It’s good to remember ... LOVE IS POSSIBLE...ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE .... THIS IS MUMBAI!!!

And MY NAME IS SHAIKH!!!!

ZOOPLAH ZANG!!!

This is not a recent thought had written this down on my way back from Chennai, where I had gone for work and attended a wedding accidentally.

Weddings bring a lot of memories for everyone.....
Happy for some, sad for some... smile for some , a tear for some... regret for some, relief for some..

I have always been the hopeless romantic, always trusting and hopeful about love AND the good in people..... Even if I am not optimistic about other things, I have been the most optimistic about LOVE!!

I believe... if you love, then love with all the ZOOPLAH ZANG!!!....... Otherwise just call it lust, need, societal pressure... WHATEVER... BUT DEFINATELY NOT LOVE!

Anyway so I attended a wedding of a couple, a very odd one, I have ever come across.. I knew them as individuals and never imagined they would hook up...... and no matter how much I wanted to be happy for them......The cynic in me kept saying.... wwhhaattt were they thinking???
WHY ARE THESE TWO GETTING MARRIED TO EACH OTHER, when they have the option to be happy!! Is this a big love facade... but why do they need these facades????

We are all adults, we can handle things... she can say I am getting old and need companionship and he can say I can’t get Hot Guys (oops girls) anymore

But why print information on wedding cards and call it LOVE (Because love transforms people and changes lives and molecules and ORIENTATIONS........and all the bullshit)

Let’s say, they are getting married because of Companionship... but how do you sustain a relationship just on companionship and a comfort zone????

What is a relationship without the butterflies and the passion, the chemistry????? And all the ZOOPLAH ZANG, which happens when you not only love the person but also you also want to have them!!!

Doesn’t this Zooplah Zang... get you through the years when all the love fades away.. atleast you have the memories and they are enough to get you through your life happily together......

What does it take for a relationship to work ‘Till death do us apart’? No wonder most singles have more long term success with friends, so maybe it’s a better strategy to marry a friend.

But there are some of us, who don’t have the feeling of ZOOPLAH ZANG with a friend and if we still go ahead with the relationship only based on the companionship and the comfort zone, What happens after some years???? do we continue with the same feeling???? and then what distinguishes this companionship from your many other companions???

What is a relationship without the ZOOPLAH ZANG... can such a relation be a happily ever after one or will it end up in one of the other looking for love, companionship and sex outside (and I am not being cynical, the millions of extra marital affairs are a proof of this)

Or are all the people who don’t wait for the ZOOPLAH ZANG kind of love and marry just for companionship, societal pressure, fear of loneliness etc....... Are these people being pessimistic about love and settling for less????
Or are they justified, because maybe it’s not even advisable to be OPTIMISTIC after the age of 30, maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily like moisturiser.

The optimistic / hopeful in me wonders, what happens when reality batters your belief system and LOVE does not, as promised conquer all!! How do we bounce back... do we still keep hoping OR is hope a drug we need to go off on OR is it required to keep us alive?????

So, what’s the harm in believing????

As for me....... I am someone who is looking out for love... real love... ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, “can’t live without each other” love... “crazy for each other” love...The love with all the ZOOPLAH ZANG!!! And all the butterflies!!!

My recent cynicism has still not (thankfully) killed the romantic in me!!!!

So, whenever I attend such weddings and see couples who are in a relationship...... without the ZOOPLAH ZANG...

I can’t help but wonder...

That when it comes to relationships... (The happily ever after kinds)

Some have settled down...

Some are settling in...

And some people refuse to settle for anything less... but Butterflies!!!!

Smiles 

Parveen

OXYMORON!!!

Sorry for the break... was very busy..... work, mom, and the obvious...no time!!!

Also I always wondered why authors take years to finish their books??
Now I understand, if I can take such a long time to select a topic for my new post and then write something... GOD BLESS the writers!!!

P.S – Idli.. I am not a soda bottle.... and dint go phus... and I am pretty serious about blogging..

Anyway.. I got a mail on Oxymoron’s, which got me thinking... (Sorry Manny, I’ll only think when I blog..... otherwise I promised u already I won’t.....mwuah!!!)

For people who didn’t score well in English... it’s a figure of speech, which is a combination of two words that are opposite in meaning. For example, GOOD GRIEF, EXACT ESTIMATE and so on...

So, when I started thinking about oxymorons. It suddenly dawned to me.....MY life is all about the oxymoron’s...

It was actually very interesting to think about it....

And it’s not only me... everyone around me seems a little Oxymoronic.....
With all the FREE GIFT VOUCHERS, AGREE TO DIASAGREE fundas.. and of course the ADULT MALES / FEMALES who’ll be reading this post and voluntarily and sometimes forcefully commenting...

OXY’S are here to stay... actually they are a inseparable part of our lives and our vocabulary...

I am almost done / almost ready... (When generally we are not even close)

I’ll act naturally... (When everything is all about the ACTING)

Oh this is awfully nice / pretty / good (when most of the time the intensity of saying AWFULLY is directly proportional to the feeling of jealousy which ones has for not having those AWFULLY nice things.. or being AWFULLY pretty or good)
Don’t tell me (when you will do anything just to know)

You’re a BUTTHEAD!!!

Big sip, Big baby, bad health, active retirement, brief speech, amicable divorce, and so on...

There are many more of such oxymoron’s which we use in our daily life... but according to me the most influential one... is A LITTLE MORE!!!

A little more Ice-cream / chocolate / bourbon biscuits (and all the problems of weight began from here)

A little more PERCENTAGE (that was usually my teachers, I never really cared)

A little more time on the phone / time out with friends / time beyond the deadline

A little more time to submit my projects (I never gave ONE on TIME)

A little more Pay package (well, I care a lot about that)

And the classic.. a little more attention / LOVE / CARE... BLAH BLAH..

Wanting a little more and ignoring the MUCH MORE in our lives...

And ironically... when we look beyond this “much more”.. And almost let it go... then that much more becomes “ wanting a little more”

Just the other day when I was with mom and my kid brother...I wanted a LITTLE MORE time with them, yet I had to go to work... And when I used to have the MUCH More time... and I don’t know what the hell I did then..

When we say we want a little more or I am almost there, I am alone in a crowd, we are alone together ...... are we saying that THIS IS WANT I WANT COZ I DONT HAVE ENOUGH..... or I AM NOT HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE... or .. I JUST DON’T HAVE IT????

In my view People don’t say or they hide certain things from most of their close ones is because they don’t like the way it sounds..

I want you to understand me / love me / care for me a Little MORE.. sounds much better than, and is much safer to say, than.... I want you to love me / understand me / care for me (because I think you don’t)

I can’t help but wonder.. Is an oxymoron a Denial of something which we don’t have? Or just something which we don’t have enough...

And If denial keeps us away from all the fear and the pain and the discomfort then what’s the harm in denying???

Maybe the reality is we need Denial!!!!!!!!!!!!

And we need the OXYMORON”S TOO.....

Specially my favourite one... “LITTLE MORE”

Because... I can’t DENY the fact that God loves me A LITTLE MORE......than I think he does!!!

THANK GOD!!!!

Love,
Parveen!!!

Live While you are ALIVE...

LIVE WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE!!!

When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “compared to what?”

I was trying to figure out, why certain things are harder for me to get than for many other people I know.. Things like weight management, marriage management, finance management and I can really go on...

Is it because of my upbringing, family background, twisted thinking ???

I always wished... I was thinner, I was braver or just simply happier.. and sometimes I actually believed that its useless to dream because nothing ever changes...

And when I actually sat down with these thoughts on life... I realised.. I am the one who is RESPONSIBLE for all these “Certain Things” not to happen.. because when they do happen I SIMPLY DONT ENJOY THEM....

What I do is, whenever I get what I want.....

I worry about how it will turn out, how will I manage????

I don’t appreciate it, coz it’s little too late (when I don’t get them on the time I wanted)

I am not happy because it’s not packaged well....

And the above thoughts are so overpowering that I lose the feeling of happiness, contentment, peace... which I can actually feel after achieving or simply getting what I wanted... and this has been an issue... since I got my first Barbie... so rather than being happy and enjoying it... I was paranoid that my brothers.. will tear her clothes off.. lol

And the same fear continued, when I got my tenth results (will I get admission in a good college??)... my last relationship (is he the right guy, will this really last??).... my current job (how will I keep up with all these expectations??) my blog (am I sharing too much??)

So instead of enjoying the moment / experience and living my life.. .. I was worried about what will happen... I was afraid of failure.. or I just wasn’t satisfied... and crushed by self expectation and perception of others expectation and blah blah...

Because in all this twisted mind screwing processes....

I forgot ...
Failure in life is inevitable... It is impossible to live without failing. Unless you live so cautiously, (without talking any risks, being resistant to change, living in your own protective shell) which is actually not living AT ALL!!!...and then YOU FAIL BY DEFAULT....

I forgot
That fear offers you .. a chance to surprise yourself.. to discover something about yourself you didn’t know you had...

I forgot
That the great thing about humans is that they change....

I forgot
That if I can get up everyday, stay optimistic and believe the future is better, I can go a long way.....

I forgot
To stay in touch with my feelings and experience them they way they are ...

I forgot
To love myself ....

I forgot
To STOP and not THINK!!

And most importantly I forgot
You start living when you are born... but UR ALIVE... when you LIVE....

Cheers!!
Parveen

On Breakups!!!

Happy new year, to all of u...
Wish you loads of luck, love and happiness...

I know it’s not very positive to start the year with a post on a break ups.. I am doing it because something which happened very recently took me back to one of my most painful times of life... and for me blogging is about expressing what I feel, irrespective of the time of the year.. start or end.. doesn’t really matter...

And just for the record.. I wrote this sometime back... uploading it now with some additions and ofcourse, my DISCOVERY about the phenomena BREAK UP..

Everyone goes through atleast one.. because break up doesn’t always mean.. break up of a love relationship with a man / woman..

For it means

Breaking up with yourself (When u don’t forgive yourself)

Breaking up with your family (When u don’t give in to their expectations)

Breaking up with your friends (When they make new ones and move on)

Breaking up with your Boss (when u switch your job!!)

Breaking up with life (when it doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to be...)

I went through all of the above at some point of my life and dealt with it... I also went through a horrible relationship break up with a man sometime back.. and the following is a brief summary of my thought s, my feelings then and now...

Breakups..

There is not anything awful, terrible and horrible in the universe, including rejection by someone for whom I care. There are only serious inconveniencies and frustration, which I’ll never like but which I can definitely stand. – ELLIS

When I am attracted to a person, who I know isn’t good for me, this is how I rationalize. Because I am hoping I am wrong about this person. Every time he does something to tell me he is NO GOOD, I ignore it..... and every time he comes through and surprises me, he wins me over and then I lose the argument with myself that he is not for me... and on top of that, there’s the old eternal standby, “ I can’t believe a guy like that, will fall for a girl like me”.

When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible... and I wanted my life to begin.. I didn’t hallucinate.. I had (was given) concrete reasons to feel like I what I felt.. I thought I had found someone who loved me for the way I am..

It turned out that he wasn’t in love with me like I thought...All the time, I felt he was behaving like a typical man and didn’t want to marry me... but the truth is that he didn’t want to marry me...

The feeling of being with someone for such a long time (on a big FACADE).. And then getting dumped for no real reason at all... I know that feeling, and it’s horrible (it still gives me that churn in my stomach and my heart still aches) eeoohhhh

And no matter how small, insignificant as humanly possible it may be now... I can never forget that how it can actually, physically ache at places, I didn’t even know I had inside me... And no matter how many haircuts I got or gyms I joined and how many shots of tequila I had with my friends.. I still went to bed every night, going over every detail and wondering what I did wrong and how I could have misunderstood when I am pathologically programmed and trained to scrutinize and analyze everything!!!

How the hell, for that brief moment (almost 5 years) I could think, I was that happy???

It happened, just like that there isn’t anything, anyone could do, there was no reason.. the question which kept coming in my mind was, am I that challenging to be with .. do I drive people away??? and it drove me crazy. Most of the times I thought I JUST WASNT ENOUGH!!

And then I thought and was made to think that it’s DESTINY... But isn’t destiny, something we have invented because we can’t stand the fact that everything that happened is ACCIDENTAL!! (More on destiny in another post, there’s too much to ponder on that)

My friends, family kept saying that it’s life... change happens and CHANGE IS GOOD!! But all that they are saying, that something that you did not want to happen at all, has happened.. and you have no choice but face it... and I was facing every single second.. looking tough in the outside and miserable inside..

I was heartbroken, it felt as if a part of me had died... and no one could ever make it right...

I was afraid that if he didn’t come back... I’ll hurt so much and that I’ll shrivel up..and never be able to love someone else ever again...

But I did, fall in love ... and this time it was for real... with an amazing person... who would never lie to me, Never ditch me at a time when I was in need of a lot of support.. and the most important thing is, this person will love me for who I AM!! And before you guys start wondering and some start getting jealous and some sigh, “there she goes again” THAT PERSON IS ME!!!

All these years I have searched for someone else.. who i thought would complete me... and all that love jazz... But the thing which I kept forgetting is rather than finding someone who’ll complete me and think of him as my saviour I rather have someone who accepts my incompleteness and I accept his..

The silver lining was, during all the pain and tears and problems and heartache (which, really looks small now... but for me I guess all that was like eternity) The innate hopeful in me, I always believed /hoped that I will go somewhere new.. and I will meet people who’ll make me feel worthwhile again... and the little pieces of my soul which were ripped off so badly, will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of my life that I wasted will eventually begin to fade...

So, My Discovery about breakups...

For me Breakups are more like a HEARTBREAK .. Maybe even a HEARTBRAKE, which shakes your every core.....

If you're living life to the fullest, you're going to experience breakups/ heartbreaks / heart aches. Sometimes you're leaving, sometimes you're left, and no matter how it happened, the loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache. But no matter who did the leaving you are the one who will get yourself out of it. And really it’s OK to cry... I thought I had used up all my tears up.. Surprisingly they still come out occasionally for entirely different reasons altogether.

On a serious note, Breakups are awful, they are private, and they are not necessarily symptomatic of what two people had together.... and there is always the other side of the story.

In my case , moral of this BREAK UP...
GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH!!!

And I want all my friends who have read this, and who are feeling sad for what I went through and some who want to kill him.... Yeah .. GO AHEAD (I tried taking the high road.. ....... just could make myself go there.. the meaner one lured me ;) LOL)

Happy Loving ... happy 2010

Cheers
Paro!!!

On Reviews

What are reviews... we are haunted by these .. all our lives... its something to think about.

Blogging which I was procrastinating since a long time.. now is such an obsession.. that I want to put up a post everyday...

Anyway keeping up with my attention seeking behaviour (which means asking all my friends to read and review my blog), as usual I asked one of my very dear friends today what did she think of my blog.. How do I write.. How are my thoughts.. etc etc..

She very sweetly said rather advised.. that corporate organisations, who look for candidates and apparently many people (in my view big jerks) follow people online and use all the information available for some hidden agenda... In the case of the organisations, it’s to know more about the person online image. (I wonder why??) and some people the JERKS, to use this information for some advantage.. (which makes me wonder again)

This got me thinking... basically if someone is following you, through your blog, fb / orkut profile... they are reviewing you.. on your lifestyle, thoughts, feelings, social life etc etc.. they may not tell you much.. but everytime you change your relationship status, your status message someone is REVEIWING you!!!

Or to look at it in another perspective, WE are always putting ourself out there to be reviewed, all the about me sections... details on the movies / books / cuisines /political views blah blah..

SO WHY DO THESE REVIEWS MATTER SO MUCH..
Exams...
Job interviews...
Mocks at work..
Presentations..
Profile reviews...
Blog reviews....

I have seen many people and experienced myself ,to go crazy thinking what will be the person thinking about me. This is not what I should do... what will people say, think of me.. I can’t react like this, I am a Psychologist... O gosh!! And this can just go on....

Why the hell do I care.. or why should I care...

And now that I think of reviews.. I mostly remember my worst reviews... and I do get some good ones... but still ..

I think of what my neighbour said, when she saw me a short dress, or the face my so called friend made after I told her I am single... or what my ex boyfriend or his family thinks about me.. (no matter how much I gave in that relationship)

Why is it that we mostly believe, all the negative things people say about us, NO MATTER HOW MUCH EVIDENCE there is to the CONTRARY!!! A neighbour, a face made by a random friend, an ex boyfriend can cancel out everything about us, we thought was once true...

When it comes to life and love... WHY DO WE BELIEVE OUR WORST REVIEWS!!!

SO, My discovery about reviews...

The truth is that, at any given moment someone somewhere is reviewing you...(someone is commenting on your post, your profile, someone you looked at you when you passed by, someone who is talking about you, your work.. in a positive or a negative way) which really doesn’t matter.

Because the critic I am most afraid of is not anyone else but ME!!

So the reviews which really matter ARE THE REVIEWS WHICH YOU GIVE YOURSELF!!!

And ofcourse.. that is absolutely in your control...

And sometimes you get a RAVE REVIEW when it comes from someone, especially when you least expect it!!!

On Relationships
When most of us see / hear / think of the word RELATIONSHIPS, the thought which comes to our mind is a relation with a man / woman which is more than friendship, a relation of intimacy (physical / emotional /social), a relation of commitment maybe leading to marriage..

And this thought holds true for many people I have come across in my life at various junctures...

Life changes so fast... it was so much fun in school, and being a part of convent girls school.. everything was like a fairy tale... everything was always seen with pink glasses.. nice .. happy ending.. all well... everything was easy.. life, love, career, family .. all of it... Me and friends... being a big fan of fairy tales.. always thought and believed we will find true love (whatever that means)

And now true love... doesn’t exist for me and I believe for many others too.. yes companionship does exits ...not true love.. I wonder why, maybe because I don’t know what it actually means.. I really don’t??? I REALLY DONT .. ( I am trying hard to find the words to define it... I am thoughtless LOL)

Have we with all our graduate and post graduate degrees... actually graduated past our ability to find or define TRUE LOVE!!!

When it comes to the matters of heart.... were we better off in school???

The general perception is that if you are 30’s something... then you either have a widely successful career or a very loving committed relationship... Its very rare to have it all..

So, what the hell is having it all.... lets see...

According to my logic, one wants the following from life...

Happy family – 1 point (parents , siblings etc etc)

Great Career – 1 point (job profile , salary, satisfaction)

Good social Circle – 1 point (friends to be with)

And a great relation – 1 point

So, to be happy (almost like happily after, one needs to have +4

I have +3 -1 which still equals to +2..

SO why do I feel, and always made to feel or think... that my life adds to a 0 .. when I am a +2...

I met someone today, thinks she has it all... great job, loving husband... well behaved kids... and man.. in the 5 unbearable minutes.. she just went on describing her perfect life.. and feeling sad for my not so perfect +2 life... What a B----

For some people having it all is STILL NOT ENOUGH.. they need people who missed out of the things, (which they think are required) to be Jealous... (and I was getting angry more than jealous)

I told her I have a full time Job at work and at home.. so no time for a full time man!!!

And I think, the key to having it all is, to STOP EXPECTING, life to look like you thought it should be like...

Anyway back to relationships... MY DISCOVERY on relationships is...

There are those, who open you up to something new and exotic...

Those that are old and familiar

Those that bring you somewhere unexpected...

Those that bring you far from where you started...

Those that bring you back...

But the most exciting, challenging, significant and important relationship is the one you have with YOURSELF...

And if you happen to find someone... who loves the you.... you love... well then that’s just fabulous...

Saturday Nights

Saturday night... what it meant to me has changed so much across years...
As a student - in school, no extra classes the next day, but still I wanted to sleep early so that I can get up early at 9 to watch my favourite serial on DD .. Tom and jerry followed by Ramayan... have keema paratha for breakfast with egg (Fried, boiled, sunny side up) we used to drive our cook crazy.. it was fun with all.. dad, mom, brothers..
Then these times... just changed.. it became a day of extra classes and studying late nights for the next days CLASS TEST!! (12th std)
NIGHTS for more time with friends / TV (college)...
NIGHTS I would just eagerly wait for to spend with my special someone...
Nights I dreaded because.. It would make me realise how lonely I am feeling...
And now, It’s just a another night.. Where sometimes I have loads of me time, Unwinding after a hectic day at work.
And these Saturday nights are sometimes fun, sometimes shocking and sometimes an awesome night out with your friends... who are just there... in sickness and in health... (literally LOL) !!!
Saturday nights, where u feel all independent and grown up enough, to be out till 4 in the morning and no one to answer.
Nights, where you no more ask , just inform, people who matter that you will be late... not to wait for dinner... without cracking your brains up for an excellent excuse..
But I still can’t deny that fact that.. Saturdays are not what they used to be..
Somewhere it was more fun earlier.... actually life was more fun and more free earlier than now.. I now have all the means to have fun and be free... yet..
I can’t help but wonder... when did life stop being fun... and start becoming scary and I became all cautious of everything... cautious of what I say, what I do, who I be with, who I don’t....
When you are young, your life is all about the pursuit of fun... fun with friends, Fun playing, fun just giggling... taking risks to just enjoy...
Then you grow up.. and learn to be cautious... cause.. you may break a bone, or put on weight (even if it’s 300 gms) if you have an extra piece of cake...
You become cautious of becoming spontaneous, getting close to people, forming new relations for the fear of breaking your heart......you look before you leap... and sometimes you don’t leap at all.. because there is no one to catch..
It’s childish to deny that my life is changing...
They say that an unexamined life is not worth living... but what if the examining becomes your life.. QUESTIONS LIKE ...why this happened.. what went wrong.. what did I do wrong / right... what next... how can I not repeat this again.. and the classic rationalization “WHAT DID I LEARN FROM THIS EXPEREINCE”
Is all this questioning really life... or is it procrastinating?????... and what if all these Saturday nights of fun and independence and long conversations of QUESTIONING THE EVENTS which happen to you with your friends (in my case girlfriends) have made me all GIRL TALK... and NO GIRL ACTION... is it time to stop QUESTIONING???
The thing to realise in that sometimes in life there are no safety nets... you must take a leap anyway....
I have decided, it’s time to leave fear behind... and have some fun.... (With or without the safety net)

Soulmates.... Reality or torture Device!!!

Soul MaTE... 2 LITTLE words..One BIG Concept

A person with whom you have a strong affinity...(dictionary meaning)
A belief (so deep) that someone , somewhere is holding a key to your heart.. and incase of women also a key to your dream house.. sounds so simple.. all you have to do is find them...

So where the hell is this person... really.. where is he...
and if you love someone.. and it doesnt work out.. does it mean.. that he was not ur souldmate and just a runner up contestant in the game show "LIfe" round "Happily ever After""

There is so much presure to have one.. and the scary part is.. it seems that its coming from within u... one can still fight peer pressure / social pressure / parental pressure.. but what does one do about pressure from within...
SO I WONDER... Sould mates... peace of mind.. or pain in the neck...
I feel the pressure comes from your perception of a soulmate (which comes from society and faulty learning) And who you actually want ur soulmate to be...

If we look at it from a narrow point of view then a soulmate is the ultimate person you wnat to spend ur life with HAPPILY EVER AFTER,, the one who understands u.. respects u.. and this list can really get long...

MY DISCOVERY ABOUT SOULMATES...
Yes it doesnt hurt to have a soulmate (that person with who u share everything)
For me.. its not just one... there can be many..
My family / my friends...
and I am lucky to have that connection with my family and friends..
and what i need then is.. just this great guy to have fun with...
there problem solved...

So soulmates do exists.. and if u feel u havent found one.. look around...they have always been there in the form of a cool mom, who doesnt judge you.. a loving kid brother you loves u no matter what..a dad who'll do anything to just make you smile.. a friend who will put up with all ur tantrums because she accepts u just the way UR... an old neighbour (who u can chat with for hours even after a long gap) . an office colleague... (who you have endless chats during lunch time and otherwise)..or some stranger you've been chatting for years online...(who understands ur mood by the font who choose to type)
So Contrary of popular belief.. soulmates are easy to find...

You just have to change the way you look at those who are already There...

On Love!!!

Love....
I have observed and seen and I guess read a lot of things written about love... and i have found almost everything about love to be true..
shahrukh said:"if all is not well then it’s not the end" (I guess in om shanti om) personally i havent experienced anything remotely close to that when it comes to love.. and I am more willing to belive that Shahrukh (or the writer) always had happy's ending's..
I suppose i think about love more than anyone really should.. and I am always mesmerized and constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and change my life.. every time it did happen to me...
I think it was Shakespeare who said LOVE IS BLIND.. now this is something I have experienced to be true..
Love has been different to different people..
For some.. love is happily ever after (adjustments and frustrations included)
For some love just fades away
For some love is just lost
And for some .. love is also found again (even if its for a night)
And there are some .. these few people.. who experience the cruellest kind of love... the kind which kills (almost) all its victims... and its called the UNRECIPROCATED / UNRETURNED / UNREQUITED LOVE... of which I am an expert!!
Stories about love are about people who fall in love with each other.. but what about the rest.. what about their stories ..the ones who fall in love ALONE!!
They are the victims of the one sided affair.. the brutally assaulted ones . the unloved ones ...
My thoughts on love are for those who have willingly loved and have been cursed to suffer...
However negative this may sound.. but I know that this group truly loves... and its research that people who truly loved are more likely to love again!!!
When we are growing up. We are taught a number of things about love... things like
If someone needs u.. they love you...
If you miss them u love them
If they obsess over you they love u...
If they are dependent on you they love you...
And someday you will meet a wonderful person and have your very own happy ending... blah blah... blah..
Every movie we see,,, every song we listen to .. Pushes us to wait for this happy ending... the suspense,, the third act twist... the pleasant surprise... the unexpected declaration of love....
Sometimes we are so focussed finding our happy ending, we don’t learn to read the signs..
How to tell from the ones who want us to the ones who don’t...
To the ones who’ll stay to the ones who’ll leave ...
And maybe for someone of us, this happy ending doesn’t include a person... Maybe its you on your own... starting all over again. Preparing for something better to come along...
Maybe the happy ending is to just move on...
Anyway after the long prelude love to me is
Something I’ll never lose hope on....
And for me the happy ending is this..
Knowing that through all the waiting , the unreturned messages / calls / , through all the blunders .. misread signals... blindness..
Through all the pain, the embarrassment and broken heart...
I’ll NEVER GIVE UP HOPE !!!!
I will love again........

about me

i was editing / creating my profile... and came to this about me section.. why does every service.. groups, network sites, work sites... want u to say something about u...
and otherwise i can keep talking about me... but when i am asked specifically i am dumbstruck...
so well what about me...
how i am --- i am absolutely unpredictable.. TO MYSELF.. (to others i really dont knw).. but for me i AM.. surprise myself always with my reactions to different situations or different reactions to the exact same situation...
What I do - i do what i love to... and feel just very lucky to be able to do that really well..
what i feel / think - i know i shouldnt use this in the same sentence.. one can feel something else and think something else... and we can do both... but most of us just think.. and think.. and lose touch with all our feelings
blogging is my attempt to feel and think separately and maybe .. just keep feeling and think only when i want to... or have too...
thats for now..
more later...

Life as I am discovering it

after years (no exaggeration) of contemplating.. here it is all my discoveries across my small and eventful life...
i hope to be able to express what my discoveries are .. just in the way i discovered them...
these thoughts / feelings / events.. or whatever they maybe are my little learnings across life... and how these have added / changed me and how i see and explore life in general....
So here i go...